Counterpoint. That is the darkest timeline.

I shall pluck an even lower fruit!

The college where I work just shit-canned all (1500) Surface tablets on campus because, to quote the CIO, “nothing can be done on those retarded P.O.S.’s without something eventually failing”.

You just wrote Apple’s next iPad commercial.

Patriots IT Guy - “Not sure what the problem is, maybe we can try bouncing the server.”

“Hi! It looks like you’re trying to run an A-2 Gap Slant? Would you like help running an A-2 Gap Slant?”

Get some Apollinaris or Gerolsteiner and get back to us.

B-21 Nazgûl

I didn’t think it could be done, but you just encapsulated Jalopnik in one entire sentence.

You think kids are all that stupid? You don’t think maybe she’s old enough to appreciate the backstory, generosity of her grandmother and this dude who restored it? You really think she’s going to take her grandmother’s automotive legacy with all the hoopla surrounding it and trade it in for a Kia? You’re one of those…

I for one hope to have enough money saved for a tank when my children turn 16.

I gave my sixteen year old daughter a ‘75 Beetle.

Just keep her at home locked in a cage to be extra safe. Wouldn’t want to take any chances.

Cullen, I hope your mom recovers well, quickly, and permanently. This story of her thoughtful son should help.

This looks great but I’m wondering why people “have to” throw away the flesh. I read the original article and they command you to just do it, but...

It’s possible Batous eyes will be added later with CGI

I know how you feel. I’m a rather slender 6'5" man myself. I go to the big and tall section at Dillards and I’m like “Oh! That’s a nice sweater!” then I see that the smallest size they have it in is 3XLT. I need a size LT. Big and tall really means fat and tall when it comes to clothes. Just because I’m 6'5" doesn’t…

She was moved from a regular seat to a single seat. They then removed her arm rest. Meanwhile, I get told that if I have to pay extra for an exit row

If you have a Manual gearbox:

1. Have a car (or keep the car you do have in good shape) that won't break down on the side of the road.