Dear flying spaghetti monster:

So he’s saying that Green Bay should have placed him on IR so he could have his surgery and collect his paycheck, but Green Bay was telling him he was healthy enough to play - something he confirmed when he suited up for New England last night.

It’s the putting the Packers medical staff on blast that makes it smell funny. It’s understandable he’s miffed that the Packers are trying to get out of having to pay him, but just call ‘em cheap. Ranting about how the team’s medical staff tried to pressure him into playing with a serious injury, but then opting to…

The only thing in that list that isn’t taken out of context as part of a larger comedy bit is “He defended Daniel Tosh after his rape jokes” - which he didn’t actually do. Almost everything else on the page is not some random hateful statements, but intentionally controversial things selectively taken from his standup…

Making fun of his weight is just picking low hanging fruit, which Christie would never touch, unless it’s covered in chocolate or filling a pie; because he’s a fatty fatty 2x4, can’t fit through the kitchen door.

Why should anyone listen to you when you’ve killed at least as many people as Charles Manson has. You monster.

And good luck nailing Brady for his crimes now. Since the existing 5-year statute of limitations would be applied in dog-years, it’s already long-since passed, so he’s scot free.

He died doing what he loved - killing people.

“I’m a football player.”

If they went full on Cleveland they would have had a good draft.

I always thought that 3 knockdowns in a match = automatic TKO. Guess you learn something new about CTE every day.

Merkel invited her because kissing Trump’s ass with meaningless gestures makes him very, very easy to manipulate.

I’m English, and as much as I think the Lampard shot in 2010 changed that whole game, to expect a GERMAN of all people to own up to that ball crossing the line after what happened in 1966 is just insane

Ah, like the swallows returning to Capistrano, here comes the predictable and reassuring deluge of Real Madrid fans explaining how, actually, it was Real Madrid that was hurt by officiating blunders, just as they have been the aggrieved party in every match they’ve played since the game of football was invented. It’s…

I don’t know...calls really don’t come much easier than that. A good yard difference, nothing end-to-end so the linesman isn’t running behind, defense in a pretty straight line. The second offside goal was at least a lot closer and moving fast so he wasn’t able to get into a good position, but damn.

Good luck, Juventus.

I had a very similar thought— “This whole interview reads like a 50th high-school reunion, where the bully finally sits down and speaks to the bullied girl, and admits he did something kinda crappy a long time ago, but we’re cool now, right?”

And if Russia a monumental explosion observed in complete silence by the driver while europop plays softly on the radio.