Mom is upset because now she has to give back that tractor and duffle bag full of cash.

Fap, fap, fap, fap.

I've said it before, and I still stand by it. Murder By Death is one of the funniest movies ever made.

I've never been a kid person. I don't hate children, but I definitely don't want to be responsible for one. I have very little patience and anger issues, also alcoholism runs in my family, so I'm just sparing the child a shitty childhood.

And my friends and family wonder why I don't EVER want children. Thankfully, I married a woman with the plumbing already removed. No birth control worries.

Sewer Shark is my secret shame.

Sewer Shark!

Let this be a lesson to the McDonald's Corporation. This is what happens when the McRib is only available for a limited time.

Needs more ALL CAPS and Comic Sans.

I can't tell if Ruffalo is using Le Tigre or Blue Steel.

That's all well and good, but you didn't explain why rugby players are so often naked around each other. And what of the Haka?

I have no idea how I didn't wake up in a jail cell. That's why I didn't ask any follow up questions. I just high tailed it out of there. Weird thing is I never saw that guy again after that. My guess is he dropped out and transferred to some community college. Poor guy. Damn I miss college.

One word . . . Cisco.

Was that in the Russian part of Detroit? I didn't hear a lick of English in that whole video.

CRAP! Matt Millen is calling the UGA vs S. Carolina game? Couldn't they find anyone else? What ever happened to that senisbly dressed, mannish, baritone lady?

Relax. Toomer's Corner joke obviously didn't hit it's mark.

If Auburn wins those girls are definitely getting dp'd, possibly tp'd.

Divine Intervention my foot. God is just as tired as I am of watching Notre Dame.

Raise your hand if you've got all your teeth!

Oh, that's the local fire marshal. His name is Bill. He'd like to show you something.