Also: The Chris Broussard Memorial Award for Courage in Bigotry.

Awarding a Worst Moment On First Take would require us to watch First Take, and we all value our brain cells too much for that.

WORST DEADSPIN COMMENT IN DEFENSE OF ESPN

Best Book to Read at Baseball Game

Because of all the cutbacks at ESPN, they were forced to repurpose The Budweiser Hot Seat.

MLB Hot Topics

THE ALEX JONES AWARD FOR EXCELLENCE IN CONSPIRACY THEORIES

Donte Stallworth vs. BIG FLU SHOT

UO player Colt Lyerla vs. Sandy Hook

Denard Span vs. Sandy Hook

Pete Caroll vs. 9/11

Tim Thomas vs. Obama or Big Government or Secularists or Something

LEAST AUTHENTIC COACH

HOTTEST COACH

Most Lustful Cockmonster

Best sports significant other: Lennay K.

For the lifetime achievement category.

WORST COACH

I liked "for-profit" schools better when we still called them degree-mill scams.

Counterpoint: Fuck for-profit schools. They are a cancer to higher education and the massive number of lawsuits, fines, and eventual campus closures testifies to how terrible they are.

And yet no one complains about Brigham Young, a school that's outspokenly for-prophet.

Barkley may be showing some rather refreshing frankness and honesty here, compared to most of the so-called pundits on the television.

"OH I'M SORRY I WAS TRYING TO HAVE A GOOD TIME AT THE FUCKING PIRATES GAME"

"My God, what a hot piece of ass."