Well I’m going to ban Duterte from my dinner party, which I know for a fact he was looking forward to.

Oh, God, me too. I hated that book so, so much. Why did JK Rowling allow this?? It reads like terrible Harry Potter fanfic, except Draco and Harry aren’t doing it.

You’re lucky you haven’t been priced out of that parenthetical.

Are you a woman though? I worked in the Tenderloin for two years and was sexually harassed on a daily basis. People on drugs trying to touch my hair, strange men asking me for blowjobs, men pissing on the bus stop at 6 p.m. so I had to wait halfway up the block during the evening commute, a girl on drugs who smashed…

To be fair, America has always been like this. As well as the rest of the world. Throughout history.

Among tomorrow’s Trump Toilet Tweets:

I think I read that the thumbprint picture was taken several minutes after the actual handshake. I’m not a doctor but the I would assume that if that color still hasn’t returned means that Trudeau either gave him a Hulk-level handshake or Trump has shit circulation. I mean, that cannot be good, medically speaking,…

We are living in the darkest timeline, and the melons prove it.

Pretty likely her condition is “I never wanted this spotlight, you’re humiliating me with these affairs coming to light, and I’m not going to do you any favors with these annoying little events”.
Surprised she hasn’t taken their son and decamped to NYC for the summer

But if it was spousal abuse....

After a few sessions, one gave her a tearful hug, because she was the only PT in town who would help or even touch her.

I don’t have to imagine it, I was there. Honestly, I’m with John Waters, being gay was way more fun when it was illegal.

I mean, I’m actually fine with them being vague on that. I think it’s great if someone wants to take the Betty Ford approach, but I’m big into privacy and don’t think someone’s job should mean they are required to disclose details of their medical record (much less their spouse’s job). But, like, you could just…

Is it weird to feel nostalgia for that era? Those kind of moments really meant a lot in those days. When it was an achievement if you were able to be both a sissy AND still have the respect of the butcher, the mechanic. ‘Sure, he’s light in the loafers but he helps old Mrs Johnson cut her lawn twice a month so he’s…

Holy crap. You wouldn’t happen to have a photo of Papaya Pol Pot grabbing 9/11 Rudy by the p***y, would you? Asking for a friend.

Also, say he was a normal human being, and also say that his marriage was on the rocks and he and Melania were preparing to divorce and/or working through some shit (...can’t imagine why, tho). He could just say “Melania is still a little under the weather after her surgical procedure last month, and is going to be…

On the show, he would say, “I love you just the way you are.” One day I said, “Fred, were you talking to me?” And he looked at me and he said, “Yes, I’ve been talking to you for two years and you finally heard me today.” And I just collapsed into his arms. I started crying. That’s when I knew I loved him.

At least now we know.

Not sure if I’d call those “boobs”.

Seriously though - how did that clip alone not prevent this presidency?

John Kerry fucking *windsurfing* does him in - this video does nothing?

Kardashian paused, then: “I think Kanye’s already given him legitimacy in that way.”