I had complications when I had my wisdom teeth out. Where do I report that? Because Indiana really cares about my health.

Totally not a giant red flag, not at all.

Slapping the nanny?

Oh hell yeah. She ordered up the most expensive bottle from the Mar-A-Lago cellars (wine closet, whatever) and hurled some horrible Slovenian expletives at the TV.

future projects = Pinot Grigio with several different pills.

Oh man, what if “future projects” is code for “divorce!”

My favorite response to this picture: “Ah Yes I remember my first day of every class in college when my professors asked all the conservatives to line up against the wall and automatically failed all of them”

Well, not anyone. You have to be over the age of 35, a natural born citizen, and not an over-qualified female.

And then throw it high up in a tree.

All the while sticking his tongue out and crossing his eyes

I am torn between being appalled at their juvenile posturing, and very much wanting to see this happen. #teamjoe #bruisinbiden

But what if theres a duel and then they make a musical about it?

No, Renee Zellweger is a descendant of a far northern native tribe of hearding people in Scandinavia that have puffy cheeks and squinty eyes. She had work done that actually diminished the distinctive ethnic look she had that was related to her heritage.

Stock up on dried food, camp fuel and batteries. This is one reason I still have a landline in the house; it works if there’s no power

Ahh, that makes sense.

He should seriously be sent to prison for writing something that bad. That part at the end was just so damn brutal. “Oh hey, Tina and Timmy want to see you. Here’s some info about Timmy, who cares about Tina!”.

“It is not a book to be lightly thrown aside; it should be hurled with great force.” - Syd Ziff

I will guarantee you that within a year of his retirement, he’ll have lost all his money in a scam. I guarantee it.

Dad?