My mom’s first marriage at age 20 was to an “older” guy. I didn’t fully realize how much older he was until her funeral. She was buried next to him, and he was buried next to her mother. Their birthdates were only three years apart. My sister and I gave each other a silent “eeeew” look when we noticed it. 

Just a roster of select incidents throughout the years ... the final perimenopausal stretch was particularly delightful. And all I got from the doctor was a prescription for the pill to “help even things out.” unless I was willing to lay down a few thousand more bucks for further investigation.

Yeah, no. Sure, periods can be acceptable to acknowledge as a normal part of human biology. But curled up in a ball in a flop sweat because of cramps, or waking up in a mess of your own blood, or totally soaking a pair of jeans with one sneeze isn’t and will never be glamorous AF. 

This is why the worst of woo-woo medicine is making a comeback. Sure, that box of all the essential oils is $300, but you’ll be able to treat your family for everything from warts to cancer! When a single 10-minute checkover by a doctor can run $400, you see why so many people are looking for “alternatives.”

Considering all the heat he got from the family for his Green Book role (and the “Best Supporting” nomination?), I was surprised that Mahershala Ali’s speech wasn’t more of a ... statement. 

Being a singularly unattractive teen girl, I didn’t have a terrific high school experience. Still went to the reunions, though, until the last one a couple of years ago. Between the Trump-loving underemployeds who were on their third marriage, the fact that my favorite pot-smoking buddy had found Jesus, and the way my…

I tried making it myself once, but it was pretty tragic. Good thing our local store has a few ready-made options (living in a dairy state, as we do.) But it ALWAYS needs brandy. The real fancy version is the hot Tom and Jerry though. 

When our dog got old and sick, he took to hiding in out-of-the-way places in the house. A quick way to find him was to ring the doorbell and listen for a weak “woof.”

My “rich” grandma (the one who lived in a respectable brick Georgian in a comfortable suburb) had one. I think she liked the tidiness of it. It had all matching blue ornaments on it, but she was kind enough to let us visiting grandkids put our used flash cubes on it (they were silver and blue, after all.) I’m sure she…

The reason those older women are trying to lose weight is that that excess baggage HURTS aging joints and muscles. It’s no longer just a matter of aesthetics; it’s a fight to be able to keep active or at least do normal activities. And menopause can go fuck itself, thank you very much. Nothing like gaining 10 lbs or…

New Jerusalem. 

My sister-in-law gave me a book about the history of Guinness (“because you’re Irish!) that was written by some Evangelical guy, and turned out to be more about how blessed Arthur Guinness was because he was Favored by God for being a good Protestant. It ended up in a Little Free Library. Still a step up from the…

Although she didn’t celebrate Christmas, my good friend from elementary school gave me both the blue Jehovah’s Witnesses book AND the green JW Bible! Again, the learnings one gets from one’s parents’ facial expression ...

It’s funny how deep undercover they keep young Barrron, though. I understand the worries about too much public scrutiny of Presidential kids (and young teen sulkiness), but you’d think they’d at least show him walking around the Christmas decorations with his mom.

Agreed. Rich people often like to make musicians dress funny for their parties (like my friends who had to wear three musketeers-like outfits and blow their trumpets every time a guest was announced - at a suburban Chicago McMansion). The Marine Band is the real deal though. 

Reminds me of a friend who wasn’t sure I would be a good bridesmaid because I wasn’t very feminine (I used to wear a lot of frilly Laura Ashley stuff until I got to college and learned about good taste. And punk bands.) and I didn’t have a steady boyfriend yet (I was 19). Fast forward 30 years: she and all the girls…

Although my folks were never rich, they always managed to find fun and interesting gifts, even going a little over budget for something particularly cool. My husband’s family is ... frugal. One couple in particular does most of their shopping at the dollar store. He made enough money to retire early, and she teaches…

When I first heard of them I thought it sounded like fun to socialize and drink while painting, until I saw that you HAD to paint that hotel-room-style painting and couldn’t do wacky abstract expressionist nudes. Screw that. 

Annoyance of the week: one of my old high school friends has been taking those “drink and paint” classes and she’s been posting her “work” every week. Basically, these classes coach the participants on how to copy a particular sample painting, which is usually something ghastly like “blue bamboo bonsai in vase”. Thing…

Most goatees look like pubes, especially with the mouth in the middle. Therefore, Cruz now has an even more disturbing face.