That’s been what really dragged me into it. In the late 1950s, my mom and dad had a son together before they were married, whom they gave up for adoption. She got “unexpectedly” pregnant again, at which point they married, resulting in my sister and myself. Both my parents died over a decade ago, leaving no clues…

I did have to chuckle at her ire when Bannon yelled at her that she was “staff.” He’s a bastid, but a really skilled one. 

I’ve thought Kanye was an ass and a half years ago, but you’re right. He’s gone from “bold statements” in his music and his shows to little more than the guy standing on the median and yelling at the passing traffic (and you hope to GOD he’s not there when you have to stop for a red light). To keep letting him go out…

Yes, but a spare tire in my car won’t help when one blows and I have to suddenly avoid driving into a building. And the two murder victims I’ve known were killed in their homes by their own spouses. And I don’t think a lock on the outside door would have helped. 

I will say that I still make it a point to watch Miss Universe, if only for the National Costumes event. 

That logic is right up there with the numbnuts who believe carrying a concealed gun will magically protect them from mugging and other street crime. “Hi, I’m going to mug you now.” “Ok, let me get my gun out of my sock and I’ll be right with you.” So now it should be “Hi, I’m here to rape you.” “Gee, that’s terrible,…

“Scholarship Pageant” aside (win college money for being attractive!), maybe no one really wants to spend a couple of hours watching women in their early 20s tricked out and made up to look like 30-ish Evangelical housewives anymore. 

Remember - you only count if you’re beautiful. And preferably white, skinny but well-endowed, have long, straight blonde hair and keep your damn mouth shut.

Back in college, I partied frequently at a certain frat house and frequently got wasted. I do remember scurrying off to the downstairs “fun room” (it was a room off a tunnel that went from the house to the garage) with a guy I was hot for at the time. I also remember when his “brothers” unexpectedly joined us and held…

I always dread that “what are you thankful for” go-round, because the answers run toward golf and Jesus. (And my in-laws - both young and old - are freakishly homophobic as well; they regard the gay cousin as “so sad” and wonder how his parents cope with it.)

A couple of relatives went as Rae and Janae Rice, including blackface, Afro wigs and fake bruises one year. To this day, I can barely deal with them. (They also voted Trump, so there’s that too.)

When I was young and sassy and had less of a panda-bear shape, I loved to do that sexy costume thing, but there are limits. Sexy cavelady? Sure. Sexy Roman? Ok. Sexy handmaid? Meehhhhhh...

Ugh. About 15 years ago, I was thrilled to get an interview with a prestigious PR firm, headed up by a local “legend in the industry.” He liked my resume, he said. As I walked to his office, I noticed that every woman working there, from the receptionist to AE’s, was tall, thin, had big boobs and long straight blonde…

She is the patron saint of all those (Protestant Evangelical) Christians who firmly believe that their religious freedom is seriously in danger, and TRump is all that stands between them and an army of liberals ready to throw them into FEMA camps. I know this because I have relatives who actually post shit like that…

Funny how so many of these mini pig buyers think that housing one in their apartment is kinder than having them on a farm.

I used to work for a nonprofit that taught music in underprivileged schools. When we’d hold an “instrument drive”, people would bring in the damndest things. Like the trumpet missing a section. Or the jankiest spinet piano you’ve ever seen (with a request to move it out of their soggy basement). Or the upright bass…

Gee, I can’t imagine how the star of a show about privileged white women failed to resonate amongst the massively diverse New York voting body. Come on kids, there’s no shortage of dynamic, politically experienced, well-educated potential candidates who might also be women in New York State. You don’t need to rally…

See: My Last Trimester of Pregnancy. One multi-piece super-stretchy knit outfit, with pieces swapped out occasionally. Literally wore it to bits. 

Because shorts aren’t practical when you’re actually doing cowboy stuff, like walking around in areas filled with prickly vegetation, sitting down in the dirt to eat dinner out in the bug-rich wilderness, and riding horses on a hard, flappy western saddle.

Fine. Just don’t give him the “best performance yadayada” one. Please.