I'm sorry — I'm confused. Maybe it's that I've never seen Master Chef, but how the fuck can they call it "Master Chef" and then feature Paula Deen? What am I missing here?

Wait. I am confused. Is there more than one Donut Showdown? Because the kick-ass Rebel Donut in ABQ won the first season on the Food Network.

Wait. Is that dress a real thing? I would wear that dress. I mean, where can I get that? I'm all flustered now.

Funny you should ask, as this is a really big topic in New Mexico right now. There's a longstanding cultural preference for bilingualism, which is present 100% in our courts and our government. But it's not protected to the extent that many of us would like. This is a great, recent article on the subject (you have to…

Not Susana Martinez. Really, no. She's not particularly pro-woman. I mean, pro-photo op with children, yes. She's good at those. But I'm not seeing a whole lot of pro-woman here.

We found some! It's great! I had to make Mr. Maguire switch because his Old Axe or whatever was making my eyes water. Speed Stick Power Unscented.

Here's one big way that it matters! Tom's roll-on and similar products lack whatever the ingredient is that a) marks up your shirts with white streaks and b) gunks up your white t-shirts with grody armpits. It's a freaking miracle. Ever since I made the switch, like, a decade ago, no more yellowed tees, no more…

Sonic jewelry cleaner?

Also! I do a lot of academic writing, and when you've gotta footnote every sentence, a few well-placed semicolons can sure save you on those Ids.

Why are we taking semicolon advice from someone who misuses apostrophes?

Here's the thing about celeb nannies: you're at least on call 24-7. So if they don't have 2, minimum, they're a bad person. Seriously. And it should be 3+, IMO, two during the week in shifts and one over the weekend. And then, if you have a ton of kids, start multiplying. But 2 is the minimum unless you're 100%…

I went to Oxy too (I graduated in the 90s) and while the response to sexual assault wasn't perfect by any means, I definitely saw something better than this on more than one occasion. I wonder if it was that there was a stronger women's studies program (and more vocal women's studies faculty) back then? Total…

There are very many potential friends, even your own age, who aren't ever going to do the baby thing. See all of the above, make more friends, and keep the ones who you like and who don't breed. Also, your breeder friends will probably come back around eventually, but if not oh well. Also, I do have some great smart…

Yes. Well. Chances are very good that she has several nannies. But still, +1 for using even the singular form here.

Shit. Sorry about the multiple posts. Damn tablet.

Shit. Sorry about the multiple posts. Damn tablet.

You know, priests molest and/or rape girls at a higher rate than boys. We just only seem to get worked up about the boys.

You know, priests molest and/or rape girls at a higher rate than boys. We just only seem to get worked up about the boys.

You know, priests molest and/or rape girls at a higher rate than girls. We just only seem to get worked up about the boys.

I'm pretty sure that the One Direction multi-nipple thing is a joke about Marky Mark. The whole video is a riff on boy bands and male heartthrobs. Although why I know that....