Should have named him Chancellor Meowron.

Not quite expounded upon: Iowa also just gone done taking part in a long-term contraceptive study, where it offered long-term options (IUDs, implants) to women for FREE. The number of long-term contraceptives being used in Iowa skyrocketed. Isn't it amazing how providing women with safe and effective methods at…

Penises have never seemed right to me. They just...hang there. Don't get me started on ball sacks. Seems like if the Good Lord were to design a perfect sperm delivery system, it would look a hell of a lot better in God's Own Daylight. Seems like. I should run for some sort of office. 'Cause I have a lot more…

...or Madam, as the case may be.

Honestly, if it wasn't for the specific detail about him being Iranian, I would have chalked this whole thing up to some insane attempt at viral marketing for Anchorman 2. After all, our single guy makes a point of mentioning, over and over, that he's in "Southern" California. And does anyone doubt that before he…

I would "rather" die alone and be eaten by my "dog" than date this guy. GUARANTEE #1.

Single and turning 28 in 2 weeks.

Does it bother anyone else that the only non-self-absorbed tweet came from Pauly Shore??

Jared Leto as a trans prostitute. Yes please.

I'm not the only one who grew up with the phrase "stepping out" to mean "cheating on partner", right? Right?

Same here!

I'm pretty horrified by this. That "teen" is so popular scares me.

I love the collective traumatized tone of the comments right now from people finding out what different terms mean.

Ah, yeah, I read that wrong. Darn, I was super curious about the goings on of maple syrup country...

10 minutes? or was that a joke?

Wow. Wonder what it is about Vermont and New Hampshire that people are able to reach orgasm in under 10 seconds.

I must be seriously sheltered... wtf is creampie? I picture this

I'm with you... we hate beauty pageants until one pops up that is exclusively for WoC at which point we are fawning all over it. The writers at Jezebel need to get their priorities straight— we can't let the fact that something promotes the beauty of nonwhite women (which I'm all for) negate the fact that it…

Now, wait just a damn minute. Are you telling me that because I am white and male that I can't participate in the Miss Arab USA pageant? This smacks of anti-re-reversed racism, mass-transitional misandry and possibly isosceles bigotry, which are things I may or may not have just made up. If I'm so privileged why…

Yeah, I don't really get how pageants give women a voice. Does the winner get a seat in Congress or something? Immediate appointment to a CEO position?