This one time I took a profitable sports blog, told it to completely change its already successful column subject writing strategy and managed to fire the editor in charge leading to all the writers quitting in solidarity, leaving it as a shell, and then banning all comments because I was afraid of criticism. What a…

Look at this guy who can spend 15 minutes on a hungover Saturday morning not eating pizza.

Cold pizza is the breakfast of champions.

i accept your apology

This whole thing feels like an attack on my childhood.

I am SO GODDAMN OUTRAGED that I basically agree with most of this and don’t have a chance to write a sarcastic spittle-flecked list of all my problems with it.

Nice to see we’ve come full circle as a species...

Totally. Bran has gone full God Emperor Leto II here.

Of course I would never send humans out there. I’d hire a project manager to send them.

Yeah, I really want to be a fly on the wall when JANAVS’ two daughters read the transcript of that phone call in which he flat out says one of them is too dumb to catch on to this scheme but the other one might figure it out.

When he briefly allowed himself to entertain the idea of, “what if he actually ended up becoming a kicker?!” was tremendous.

I know this is horrible and awful and shows how tiered our society is and that “hard work and dedication will help you achieve” is bullshit....
BUUUUUT...
I fucking died at that dad who wanted his son to pretend to be a kicker. “He has really strong legs,” is the coolest dad sentence ever. 

They just don’t make superheroes like bicycle repair man anymore:

Oh, well, I’m sure if you’d made clear earlier that you were a Michelin-Star-Eating-Motherfucker, everybody would have agreed that you were right and they were wrong and asked for forgiveness.

Counterpoint: a paying customer has the right to ask for a product that is normally served in an array of levels of being cooked and a cook worth his skill will know how to prepare it in such fashion and still be good. These chefs and the dregs of society known as steak snobs are they overgrown babies that constantly…

Yeah, totally! A properly cooked well done steak is plenty juicy and I have gotten good at cooking them. You have to switch up how you approach a steak to be cooked well done to better do it justice. I constantly see people bitching about cooking well done steak while cooking it like a steak you would cook to a…

My order is medium-rare because, like basically everyone you interviewed, I understand how fantastic a steak tastes when cooked to medium-rare. (By the way, someone should fire Kevin Pang for ruining a medium-rare ribeye with some steak sauce, and doubling-down on doing so by saying it wasn’t just for the assignment,…

I love Harry Potter as much as the next guy, but it’s full of ideas that would be extremely terrible in real life. The Sorting Hat and the tribalism associated with the Hogwarts Houses are two of them.

From some of the trailers I get the impression that Delevingne and... whoever the main guy is are supposed to be love interests but there is something about them that makes my brain go “well clearly they are siblings on an adventure!”

If he and everyone else treats casting PoCs like some kind of racial carbon offset then yeah, it counts for nothing.