Only Nick Offerman could tell someone to ‘eat shit’ and make it sound polite.

...touche!

All right, guys. There’s only one thing left to do: we’re going to Montana, and we’re getting that goddamned treasure.

I remember this being referenced in Longmire, but it sounded so cheesy, I assumed it was a plot device made up for the series: I had no idea this was an actual thing.

It’s just, this isn’t the first time I’ve heard of that happening. Every time I heard about it, the first thing I go to in my mind is, “Hard, sharp angles. How does this work?” And then I wince.

...I’m still trying to conceptualize this. I mean...wouldn’t that hurt? I mean, granted, I’m not a woman, so I don’t know how all the nerves and stuff feel down there in terms of stimulation, but an end table...that sounds...painful.

Hey, for your benefit (and your students), Cal-State just released a very good video:

Remember back when the NRA was an actually beneficial organization? One that advocated for gun control as much as it did for gun rights? When it was an actual educational organization looking out for the safety of the public, instead of a sociopathic, money-grubbing arms dealer?

psst...that’s a picture of David Harbour, who you would know as Chief Hopper from Stranger Things...

BEHOLD!!

Despite the general massacre of it’s writing staff, Cracked still hits it out of the park every now and then:

Spread it. Spread what he said far and wide. Plaster it everywhere you go, and make sure other people do, too. Drown him in his callous and coldhearted mockery of shooting victims.

We are a country that has turned weapons into Little Tin Gods. We will put them on a pedestal over every other damned thing that we could or should value. We didn’t care when our leaders were targeted, we don’t care when our neighbors are targeted, and we sure as shit don’t care when our children are targeted. Our…

I feel like kids are walking black holes already: there should probably be some sort of scientific study done on the ways they bend quantum physics to make small items, pens, and other essential items vanish into thin air.

That’s another very good point, and I’m glad you brought it up: there are some people who CAN’T run. It’s irresponsible to just abandon them (and criminal, but that goes without saying), so staying in place to help hide and protect them is essential. That includes the disabled, the elderly, those with health…

I have been tempted! And you are very kind! I’m glad they’ve given you some insights.

Well, you know...everyone is an expert these days.

Newer schools may not have deadbolts, but older schools do. And it is not difficult to barricade a door from the interior of a classroom. Further, the kind of lock is irrelevant: it’s still a lump of metal. You can’t shoot that.

Those things are pretty effective at sealing doors. There’s also one that you just slide under a door, like a wedge. Having a single item like that in each class room would be a solid defense mechanism.

LEO here: that is the exact thing you are supposed to do. You’re doing it right. I hate to have to say, “Well done, teacher: you know how to defend your kids in a school shooting,” because...it’s a fucking shame that this is where we are at as a country. That being said, you do know how to, you will if it happens (I…