You call this a story? Please. Nothing but dickbait.

Well, you know what they say: dose, but no cigar.

It's not local authorities coming up with the descriptor; it's the legal name of the offense, differentiating it from assaults with a weapon or in connection with a separate crime. If I punch you in the face because I don't like the look of you, it's simple assault (which is what used to be called "assault and…

I don't understand why someone would want to attend one of these gimmicky, PR-driven breakfasts in the first place. I mean, how many things can you cook with gum?

At least they missed the river; probably saved hundreds of lives from a firey death

Poor kid. I wonder how he expects to handle class now.

The Cubs groundskeepers could have sure used the Invisible Hand of the Free Market to help them unroll that tarp.

i suport offcer willson becaus hes a hero who stood up to to the "thug" culturre thats killing americas familys and homes. daron needs my support in ths difclt time because ofthe rampent naimals walking our streets and permeeating our schools. if officer like Wilson didnt put michael "brownback" in his place who…

a shower cap? Might as well have been wearing a skirt out there

What an absolute idiot. Byers should have waited until the holiday season to go bow hunting at a Lexus.

Courtesy of New Yorker SPAM

If the foul-bro had been a bit more proactive, there would have been a literal angel in the outfield tonight.

I mean, is he sure he took them?

"Hi, yes, my name is Darren Rovell, and I'm concerned that one of your writers, a Mr. J Swift, implores me to eat newborn infants. This is quite troubling, and I advise disciplinary measures posthaste."

AN AGRAMMATICAL DISSERTATION ON NOTABLE ACTION MOVIE QUOTES, by Keanu Reeves

Idiot. +1

Yes. And I'm answering this seriously even though it was rhetorical. (I know this stuff intimately, so to speak. I had a bi-lateral lung transplant 4 and a half years ago and I have degrees in medical ethics.) On the receiving side of the transplant, when you go through the consent process, there is a "socially high…

Yeah, okay, broseph. Take the thing the mean internet man said personally. Thanks for stopping by. The real world can't wait for you to join it.

So underrated, +1

This is adorable, especially since Hank is neighbors with the slightly bigger one that Bud Selig built for Ryan Braun last season.