And here I thought aspiring recording artist Shaq would be the first ex-Laker to bag a Grammy.

What's your guess as to why he seems a bit paunchier in the top photo as opposed to the bottom? I'm thinking Arby's.

Was anyone cited for a moo-ving vio...<bludgeoned to death with a bag of hammers>

No revolution ever began with “Free tattoo” as a battle cry.

Also unable to find the willy - Ronnie Millsap at Farm Aid.

104 miles southwest of Bristol is also the directive on Levi Johnston's restraining order.

He sure is.

Why any Major Junior organization would hire Gilmour is a mystery to me. If there's one thing he's known for, it's fucking up in the minors.

Saying Uncle after enduring public criticism is known as the "reverse Hugh Douglas."

The handler who starved Nugget II is presumably still out there, his freedom bought for $2,000 from alumni coffers. Peace of mind is not so cheap.

Mike Wallace is gone, which means the team's remaining receivers will get smothered to death.

A tamper-resistant hologram is also the bane of Suge Knight's existence.

Getting your hand on a Dragon ball and then taking one to the face is called a "Toni Tennille."

Can we please leave all the Maverick and DeSoto talk to Jalopnik? Stick to sports, guys.

Makes sense seeing as how the article states he was a volunteer.

Trent Richardson should buy it, have it repainted in Bama colors and sell it in Tuscaloosa where there are plenty of PAAAWWWWWL-bearers.

Yes, yes it is.

I'm not saying that retribution is a bitch or anything, but two hours later the San Jacinto Bath & Tennis Club "mysteriously" burned to the ground.

Well, Smoot was back on Reddit today, jumping into this thread to drop some knowledge on NFL fans.

This has disaster written all over it. I've seen some Jet Ski accidents and most of them have produced some fairly grisly results.