Well none of us took preventative measures to stop this.

This looks stupid. Why couldn't we just get a Black Widow movie?

Burneko eats tacos with a fork and knife.

Are you having a stroke?

I've done it. I was biking home from a bar. I was pretty drunk so I don't remember exactly how but I managed it without getting a drop on me. Also I wasn't wearing Lycra shorts so that may have helped.

Real tomato ketchup, Eddie?

Mooooooooon River!

NO ONE DENIES THIS

You see, kids? As long as you make sure she knows leaving you is so much more terrifying than staying you'll be fine.

"OK allow me to be that dipshit..."

If anybody wants to make knee-jerk comparisons to the Bounty Scandal suspensions I'll be over here.

I thought that was just Rex. Do twins have the same kinks? That would be weird.

He's having it detailed.

I think Rob Ryan is my spirit animal.

Pretty sweet. Can I get one with darker tint and sound proofing?

Keep your fingers crossed and hope it doesn't get cross posted to Gawker.

Stay out of the stacks, deadbeat!

A seven nation army couldn't make me sit through a Cubs game.

GuyWhoExplainsTheJoke was already taken.

Rex Ryan will offer 500 points for women wearing open toe sandals in November.