You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

He grabbed somebody’s head and didn’t get punched in the throat? Must be a nice bar.

Sexual harassment is acceptable as long as you are single and drunk.

“A Single guy, drunk, we can possibly overlook”

Here it probably means spike it into the turf or something. In the U.K., do nothing with it for 90 minutes.

Edit: I blew the joke. See below.

I feel like if you get hit by somebody named "Big Jim", you're gonna have a bad time.

I never knew how desperately I needed to see a dog try to catch a taco, but now that I have, I'm just so satisfied.

Can't blame the guy for trying to make the Maoist of the moment.

I feel like we've all had this discussion before

ah that's right - every single year

"I save my energy for important tournaments and picks, like calling for #13 seed Patrick Bateman's bone-colored business card with Silian Rail lettering to upset #1 seed Paul Allen's tastefully thick off-white card with watermark."

From the first video: "He is wounded, somehow."

I hear Van Pelt drives to a special clinic in New Britain once a month to get the foreskin growing around his head trimmed.

This is even more accurate when you consider Simmons is Jalen's bitch.

Christian Laettner is Bill Simmons if Simmons actually played basketball.

I was at this game as well. It was pandemonium. I tell this story as an annecdote for why I dont hate Albert Belle all the time. NO ONE EVER BELIEVES ME. Until now. Thank you for this.

There really aren't any dangerous baseball players left these days.

I think they put a white guy on there to remind everyone it's not a leap year.

— chief among them...

Dayum. Nolan threw more shade at Reilly than Vesuvius to Pompeii in 79.