For some reason, I don't think that "Little Chris" wants to be mentioned in anything government associated.

In other words: it was perfect. I bought it on the spot.

Wow, this is wasteful. You could have donated that PT Cruiser and made a less fortunate person's life a little bit shittier.

I can see the headline now

That kit is waaaay too expensive for your average ricer.

I don't understand Jalopnik's obsession with shooting brakes...

That's because there's a tarp covering the car.

I really don't think this would look anywhere near as bad without the crowbarred wisecracks telling me what I'm supposed to think between every paragraph. I'm struggling to find anything wrong with this, and I'm not even a Jack White fan.

Well that explains everything.

I was really hoping to avoid the Bearly Legal porn today.

100% real. Inexplicably he actually even included all his contact details at the bottom of his e-mail, including his company name and phone number.

You're not in a relationship, are you?

What's that? I can't hear you over the Star Spangled Banner playing through the exhaust of my American 7.0l V8!

The Dartz "whale pube" interior?

Nazi Pinto (Blues Brothers)

No shit right? Thinking long and hard about buying an extended warranty plan from Ford. The cost for the warranty is around a thousand bucks. Far less than the cost of almost anything, let alone a transmission assembly.

Maybe he did. I know folks who got pregnant using two forms of birth control. Shit happens, nothing has a 100% efficacy rate.

So is this going to end up being a Fiero?

Did you intend for the black rear spoiler to resemble a mullet hairstyle? Because it does.

The 8" lifetime-guaranteed Wusthof Classic is dishwasher safe and "triple riveted for permanence." We like the sound of that, and did we mention it was dishwasher safe? [Wusthof Classic]

The 8" lifetime-guaranteed Wusthof Classic is dishwasher safe and "triple riveted for permanence." We like the…