You’re not smart enough to pull off this online persona. I’m sorry.

So, if they paid you, your comments wouldn’t be smug, boring shit? Good to know.

This post was bad and stupid. Do better, Some Guy.

Portnoy has one of those bulbous noses common to alcoholics. He’s going to go full-blown W.C. Fields within 10 years.

So, with RBG on the ropes, we’re looking at a 7-2 hard-right Supreme Court majority for the rest of our lives.

Dear all Jill Stein voters,

Westworld, Legion and Mr. Robot all had first seasons ranging from great (the latter two) to expensive-and-pretty-good. All three of them spent season 2 taking a rocketship up their own ass. At least Lost had the decency to wait and fall apart in season 6.

Yeah, that was brutal.

Also, Pineapple Express is a masterpiece.

Imagine living a life of such endless crushing failure that you end up thinking “Dumb-o-crap” is clever.

Bring back Nathan Rabin.

Hunh hunh hunh, good one. Derp.

Confession: Saw this for the first time this year, and was confused because the lead character wasn’t named Super Fly.

I think the movie is hurt by its budget at times, but I love the soundtrack and the photo montage mentioned in the article.

The best thing about this article is it means that apparently they’re shooting a new season of Always Sunny. Finally!

“I screamed a lame line he’s heard a billion times from other goobers, and he seemed annoyed! WHAT A JERK!”

Watch Goon, everybody.

He didn’t seem like an okay dude, either.

It’s less about supporting Trevor Noah and more about calling out a douche for being a douche. You douche.

Ah, so you’re also kinda dumb. Cool!

“This website needs to know exactly how tedious I am!” - Binchface

Way to actually read the article, Matty!

“Won’t someone PLEASE think of the awful people?”