Fun fact: “The Touching is, To Me, Off Limits,” was the original title of MC Hammer’s 1990 breakthrough single. 

“So bye bye Let’s Remember Some Guys”

It’s funny, see, because like, Barry Bonds remember got mad that the home run record was broken by a white guy and Mark McGwire

I was there for a wedding and Brandy Old Fashioneds were a staple of every bar menu. It was the only liquor available at the wedding bar. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO WISCONSIN?!?!?! DO YOU EVEN EXIST?!?! DO YOU SMELL TOAST!?!?

Nobody cares what the #2 news team says, buster

Reporter: Kevin, you read social media. Obviously, you’re aware of the rum...

<prints out obituary, burns it to ash, snorts entire pile using a 2009 dollar bill>

The Pelicans have merely joined the upper echelon of vindictiveness and malice, long occupied only by geese

UPDATE: Got a great deal on a hotel room through Priceline!

welcome back

Rather than wearing “Obama” and “McCain” nametags while recreating this moment, Ball and Kuzma went with “times elected President.”

I’m just here so I won’t get disenfranchised.

If I get caught sending dick pics they’ll try to kick me off the Supreme Court

Haka-Shaq won’t work against her, obviously.

If you like another story of a high school girls player overcoming a corrupt, broken system, I heartily recommend the documentary "The Heart of the Game"

If he didn’t kill anyone, then why did he give that quote?

“Send him to me.”

Haha, users with glib handles modeled after genocidal maniacs acting as self-appointed arbiters of moral authority on a sports blog! 

“Not bad Barboza, now do it four more times.”