But what does a starfish’s butthole have to do with soccer?

“Yeah hon, gimme a Big Dick Nick, a bag of Cool Ranch, and a Black Cherry Wishniak.”

The worst part is that, since the game is in February, dumpster pools will either not happen, or they’ll be Polar Bear challenges.

Big Dick Nick is going to be the new hoagie special at Wawa.

Yeah this shit happens on the regular in philly. Couple years back a Rangers fan (and off-duty cop no less) went to get a cheesesteak and was beaten until he was damn near dead.

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. Worst sports fans in the country. Absolutely the worst.

Kind of like the Olympic basketball tournament when they first let the pros in - everybody just wrote off the gold to the US, and figured the fight for the silver was the real competition.

To be fair, Philly is normally full of trash.

Yes, they do, because they know Nick will never beat Tom.

I’m a Pats fan and I love Philly. A friend of mine owns some bars there.

I’d almost consider flying down there for the game, except you know, I’m not an idiot and I want to live.

Wait, do Eagles fans think last night was the Super Bowl?

Hopefully all of it.

You’re going to Hell for this.

I figure after last year, New England fans are probably about as insufferable as they’re going to get, whereas Philadelphia still has a ceiling they haven’t yet hit. Which is why it hurts me to say, but I gotta pull for the Pats.

I was discussing this with an Eagles fan this morning. As a Pats fan, I am kind of curious of, not if, how much of Philly will be burned down if they win the Super Bowl.

I know there are some people that feel like any situation is worth joking about.

Two phony rocket attacks in one week.

He has achieved a level of sass that can only be reached from years of working at the DMV.