I didn’t realize until my sister had her first just how involved pumping is. That shiz takes forever. I remember one time we were about 45 minutes late getting out the door for something because she was pumping. I was tempted to be annoyed, and then I remembered that I didn’t currently have my nipples being squeezed…

And never mind the time it takes to relax for a moment... I don’t remember having much as much success with pumping when I felt rushed and stressed.

This must be why women make less $.

As a former nursing mom, I could get all technical about the differences between foremilk and hindmilk and the necessity of pumping for a sustained enough time to get both, but as a former nursing mom I just want to punch that employee in his nuts, which I AM SURE HE HAS despite the lack of gender specificity in the…

Doesn’t even need to be a smart dog because they can easily tell who is a bad person and a good person and they would think Michelle is a good person.

...that inanimate object over there.

A reasonably fuzzy cheese?

People. Persons. Maybe a smart dog. 

In the wild, the males are more transitory, and the females really only want them around when they are in a mood to breed. Matriarch lionesses will only breed with a male that can demonstrate physical dominance, and mating is quite violent, sometimes to the point that the male wounds the female significantly.

Honestly as a person with two siblings, I find stories of super close siblings mystifying. I love my brothers and have what I consider to be good relationships with both of them, but we don’t see each other or even talk/text more than 1-2x a month.

I don’t know about that. My sister says if my wife and I get divorced, she’s keeping my wife. To that, I said, me too.

I’m a Grandma, and I always thought “innuendo” was an Italian suppository.

This is where Donald Trump came from.

It’s not the first time Grandma has been woken up with a banana, amirite?

She may have thought he wanted to talk to the father without her there and just wanted to give them space.

some time in the mid-90s I fell out of my bunk bed and hit my head. My parents took me to the ER, and the doctors asked me various questions to determine my mental status. One of them was “Who’s in charge at the White House?” I deadpanned “Hillary” and had the whole ER laughing. I was seven or eight.

You leave the corgis out of this.

dude, diet coke SO much better than regular coke. nothing to do with calories.

I am not a religious person, but horrific events like these senseless and brutal murders help me understand why religion can be such a force for good and for love. The strength, the faith, the acceptance of a fate greater than their own....the members of this church are true Christians in every sense of the word.…