7 seconds? Why, that's barely enough time for people to bitch on Twitter about soccer being on TV.

Just in case you are keeping score, according to Greg, this is at least the 11th time this year that Arsenal has scored the goal of the year.

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Does anyone know if marathon race bibs can double as...uh...kleenex?

I suppose it's fitting that for as bad as Europe has it, Africa's qualifying is as horrifying, heartbreaking, and mandated from Europe.

Here's how Mexican television announcers reacted, as Mexico's loss to Costa Rica was rendered meaningless: with screams, and scattered English phrases.

#YoureWelcomeMexico — Valtrex (@valtrex) May 5, 2004

I really wish I knew. I would have stayed with AZ instead of bolting for Sunderland. The team is just dreadful this season. I'm hoping his form picks up after the international break and he can score a bit.

Uhh. Raysism doesn't do that. He just makes fun of the people who make bad comments.

"Nnnnhh... life begins at conception, Roe!"

Oh no, poor Drake!

60 minutes of actual game time can become tiresome. That's why 12 minutes spread out over 3 hours is much more enjoyable.

OH MAN IT'S FUNNY BECUZ SOCCER PLAYERS FLOP AND THIS STORY IS ABOUT SOCCER SO THERE'S A REASON FOR YOU TO POST THIS GOLDMINE INSTEAD OF SAYING SOMETHING FUNNY AND/OR ORIGINAL!!!1`1! SOCCER? MORE LIKE FLOPPER, AMIRITE?!?!!?!?1?1!?

USMNT: [is seeded for draw]

Did this random dude expect these university presidents to wait with baited breath for Karl fucking Idsvoog to contact them for an interview or do you think they filed this away next to my emails that insist all football games instead be settled by having actual animal mascots fight on a tiny facsimile of a football…

Because of course you wouldn't recognize a rhetorical device if it kicked you in your pubies?

They're also renaming the whole system "Wayne Bridge's Girlfriend," because that's where everyone runs trains.

I won the auction. It's going next to my velvet Hulk Hogan.