This is why things like his podcasts with guys like Zach Lowe, who will call him on his bullshit (there are at least two moments in every Lowe podcast where Simmons says something and Lowe just starts going "whoah, whoah, whoah ..."), are significantly better than his columns these days.

Bill Simmons must be played by Ellen Degeneres

This is not exactly news Tom. Jay's sucked at home all year.

I beg to differ. My friend Jesús won't shut the fuck up about fútbol.

(P)reverse Cowgirl?

so anti-semitism is okay now?

Cavs fans shouldn't break any windows tonight over his performance either.

I don't think getting rid of Blatt would be the final solution to the Cavs' problem.

Smith's high horse was shot out from beneath him when he posted pictures of the severe branding inflicted upon his son.

"He's 3/5 of the player that Kyle Korver is."

"Sterling got $2 Billion!? I, uh, just *found* a racist Mad Lib I did in 2007!"

Lacky: "Welker popped Molly"

Don't worry, D'Brick's got this one.

Oh, great. Now he's breaking the unwritten rules of physics.

Yes.

Dan Patrick is like:

Exported versions of American shows are never quite the same, including this Israeli version of Entourage.