"We're going to rampantly encourage you to do irresponsible things and enable you to behave incredibly poorly for publicity and money, right up until a certain point that is completely invisible to you and then act super shocked and troubled and demand you need therapy" - Justin Bieber's Team

I've not watched the show (I think it's obvious though that it is slightly silly) and while there are problems with this piece, he seems like a genuinely nice guy. Who has respect for the ladies.

“Money can’t buy a record deal," she says.

How could I be so forgetful? I beg your forgiveness.

...Oh God. AGAIN?

"What if we cared about those living in poverty as much as we care about celebrities?"

What if y'all give retouching like a three month break here on Jezebel? Maybe?

I think "Douche Island" rolls off the tongue a BIT easier...

I refuse to believe Selena would write 'U' and Justin would write 'you'.

TWICE. It's like he thought "She'll definitely buy it if I send a second pic. Two dick pics make the ladies go wild. It doesn't work unless you send two."

Jesus, imagine having less common sense than a guy named Scooter.

Kind of pointless to send a picture of your dick to someone who has already interacted with it.

It's always upsetting to learn that dick pics hold little to no power over women.

The eerily accurate texts are fake

Not to judge a book by the cover (although this book is a gaping asshole, so I'll have at it), but THAT guy is a kindergarten teacher?!?! He looks like the oldest member of a high school math department who's bitter that they've never made him department chair. Kindergarten teachers should radiate warmth, not...scotch…

I actually think Russell Brand would make a pretty entertaining Captain Hook. I wonder if the same person will play Mr. Darling/Capt. Hook like in the original stage version.

Yup... Ru did it first.

It's Britney, bitch.