—excerpted from "All I Ever Learned was Learned in Kindergarten." [hyperion press]

Complain all you want Marshall, but at least Mariweather doesn't lack convictions.

"I guess I’ve just got to take people’s knees out," he said. "That’s the only way"

And Matthew Stafford's balls grew three sizes that day.

Commitment to Petulance. Al would approve.

Or maybe she thinks this (ultimately) meaningless pandering "against cancer" in pro sports is fucking stupid.

Somebody recognized a contestant from The Bachelor Season 11 during a crowd shot of a baseball game, and we're making fun of the contestant?

A Schiano Man would flip both fingers and loudly utter the "C word"

Perhaps his behavior was a result of anxiety.

Huh huh....that's awesome

Glad you guys noticed this (as I just generally enjoy others noticing weird little things I do). He was talking like it was such a sure thing with a minute and a half to go, and I was confused about whether he knew something about the game that I didn't (like that it'd be impossible with the clock/timeout situation…

Witten and Ware should probably stop mothering Dez so much.

Hey dez, Demarcus Ware will literally eat your whole life if you jabber at him - and he doesn't care that he's injured in street clothes and u have full gear on. Step lightly young man

Get this video to bad lip reading guy pronto

Pshaw, I recently went untouched for 185 days.

That look Ware gives Bryant to finally calm him down is absolutely priceless

I'll defer to Witten and Ware on whether Bryant was over the top there. yeah, looked like they think he was.

This is why Brian Billick is still considered an elite coach.

This just in: Brian Billick is a terrible announcer. Also, sun comes up in the east. Film at 11.

Wait, they found someone in Oakland who can read?