I mean, if a stranger or near-stranger randomly tried to give me a gift when we didn’t know each other, I probably would turn that down. Or be really weirded out.

WTF. Sounds like you dodged a bullet on that one. Also, 20 miles isn’t that far. Granted, I’m from rural Maine, but still. That guy sounds like a real winner.

Thanks! I mean, we’re both adults- this shouldn’t be a big deal. If it’s a situation where there’s a large income discrepancy on one side or the other, that’s a bit different, but by and large, the guys I’ve dated have been making about the same as me (or I was the one making more, in which case all the more reason…

Dating in D.C. is like the Hunger Games, but you don’t even get the fun of shooting a bow and arrow. It really is the worst.

That sounds fantastic- maybe I need to start hanging out at my local Quaker meeting. Although being Jewish, that could create other problems. Good on him, though. He sounds like he’ll be a catch for someone.

Maybe it’s a geographic thing? A couple of people have brought up that possibility. I’m from Maine and have mostly dated New Englanders, so maybe that’s why I haven’t had so many issues. If you’re in a conservative part of the country, that could prompt more negative reactions.

Are you replying to the right comment? I explicitly said that I’m happy to split the check and actually prefer it. And personally, I’m not getting a blowout or some super expensive dress for a first or second date unless it’s with Michael Fassbender or Hugh Jackman or something and we’re going to the Oscars. I mean,…

I’m from Maine, as it happens- maybe that explains it! Although the guys I dated in D.C. were generally okay about it, but they were all transplants from elsewhere, I think.

Then why offer at all? If it’s some weird test, where the guy fails if he takes you at your word and splits the check, I don’t see the point. Plus it makes it harder on those of us who genuinely want to split the check, because then guys start to think we’re insincerely offering to chip in, and it’s a strike against…

I think that’s kind of adorable- although I would have to like a guy a lot to keep eating endless omelettes.

Honestly, playing those kinds of games strikes me as incredibly bitchy, and I would say that a guy might be better off avoiding second dates with women who pull stuff like that. If a guy nicely insists on paying and isn’t being all weird about it or acting offended, I’m not going to turn it into a huge argument, just…

Exactly! It feels rude as hell to just sit there and stare at the guy, waiting for him to pull out his wallet. Of course, I come from an extended family where we’ll all bicker a bit about who’s picking up the check even when we go out for family dinners, so maybe that’s where it comes from.

Yeah, that’s fucking gross. And I don’t turn it into some huge showdown or anything, but if the guy insists on paying, I’ll usually try and cover my end by either paying for the next “phase” of the date, if there is one, or paying at the next date. At least that way, he can see that I was actually serious when I…

Exactly. I mean, it’s not about trying to emasculate some guy or anything, but there’s really no good reason that he should have to pay for everything, unless he’s independently wealthy or something. And even then, I can afford to pay for a dinner out somewhere, unless we’re eating at some crazy expensive place.

For me, if something like me offering to pay my share is such a red flag to a guy that he wouldn’t want to go on a second date, it’s really his loss. I would take that as a clear sign that our personality types and/or general relationship philosophies aren’t compatible. Which is fine, different people want different…

I’m single and currently not actively dating in part because the dating scene is just annoying to me (particularly in the DC area, and I’m headed back there in a few months). It feels like there are all of these weird games of managing perception, and I just don’t roll that way at all. What you see is pretty much what…

Why? Just curious. I mean, it might seem a bit weird if I was like, “Hey, let me get it,” and the guy just went, “Sure, great! In that case, I’ll have another steak!” But for sure if we’re splitting, I wouldn’t be bothered at all. I don’t expect my friends to pay for my meals if we go out- why should I expect some…

I don’t think there’s any reason to feel guilty except socialized expectations about gender roles (which are outmoded at this point, anyway). I would feel like a complete asshole if I was going out with a guy that I knew full well made less than me but whom I was still allowing to foot the bill for our dates. Not that…

I’ve never actually had a guy get offended (or if they were offended, they were hiding it). Some still insist on paying, but I’ve never had it turn into something where they didn’t want a second date or anything. And honestly, if a guy would get offended and douchey about something like that, I don’t think I actually…

It might strike me as a bit odd if we didn’t at least have a back and forth about it, but splitting the bill shouldn’t be a big deal. Maybe I’m just uncomfortable with the idea of someone I barely know basically paying to spend time with me. Dating is weird.