DAMN! There’s a Ray Bradbury story in the book the Martian Chronicles in which black people do just that. One guy gets held up by his white boss because he owes money. The have a go fund me on the spot cause “we all going nobody getting left behind!” It ends with the guy taunting his boss “what ya gonna do at night…

I won’t be happy until this guy is behind uneven bars

A for effort.

What do you get when your roster depletes?

I used to love that one back in elementary school. I’d rush through math quizzes to get the first shot on playing this while everyone else was finishing up (there was only one computer in the classroom), until the teacher noticed that I was failing all of my math quizzes. 

Nah, everyone knows that the key Tom’s lustrous hair is that Giselle throws some scrambled eggs in with his kibble when he’s been good.

If he would just drink TB12 water, OBJ would not only never be dehydrated, but he’d also be immune to concussions and sunburn, while enjoying clearer skin, whiter teeth, and thicker, more lustrous hair…

Bet that guy is a big fan of handing out salt tablets.

Some guys’ bodies dehydrate quicker than others

The Giants training staff suggested it actually.

Bobby Boucher is rolling over in his grave.

I always wait to cast my vote until the octogenarian wife of a former football coach who was fired in disgrace after it was determined he covered up decades of child sexual abuse weighs in.

This is a weird way to tell us you drafted David Johnson first for your fantasy team.

he could have died for telling his son that the referee made the right call.

this woman could have gotten him killed.

Also, an excuse for this:

the real victory was the friends they made along the way

I know it's just a friendly, but that's a fantastic win for USMNT.

So crazy how the game just ended as soon as the US scored that second goal! Things are looking up!

You’re probably right! But, I dunno, not everything has to serve some larger strategic purpose. It’s just a bonkers take that much of our staff spent a chunk of the morning marveling at, and we wanted to share it with the readers.