How far can you punt a football? Asking for a friend. (He's an NFL GM.)
...
(He's laughing.)
...
(He's calling all his GM buddies.)
...
(They're laughing.)
...
(They're still laughing.)
...
(They're watching tapes of you punting a football and puking from laughing.)
...
(They're deciding which one is gonna call you and pretend to…

These Aaron Hernandez jail letters are getting weird.

What that's crazy. No way was it the change from one of the best and most respected chief executives in soccer history to a novice. Surely it's strictly down to ... I don't know what this article is saying, I guess that other teams finally realized that United were buying their good players because RVP had great…

Why Was Manchester United's Offseason So Bad?

Marijuana is also sold by the ounce.

I've never wanted the USMNT to win a WCQ match as much as I do right now!!

^ Reason #1 why jacuzzi_rick sucks.

Trivially true for this fellow:

For the record, Ron Borges is (or at least was) married to my 7th grade English teacher, Ms. Bernstein. I did a paper on the biography of Reggie Lewis, which she offered to have him critique for me. It was probably the most poorly edited/critiqued piece of writing I've ever submitted to anyone ever. And I was 12.

Not to be one of "those guys," Tom, but a few typos in the first sentence:

You think "The Conjuring" is scary and "Hobo" dreadful?

This FREE event is absolutely stacked, regardless of Sonnen and Rua being at the tail end of their careers. Not having to pay to see Overeem is a treat, and ultimately the headliners don't even matter in this card.

I'm excited to see Connor McGregor (said the biased Irishman)

Stop writing about MMA if you truly believe this. You embarrass yourself and Deadspin.

Are you seriously bitching about this card? It is absolutely loaded for a free card and it's better than some recent PPV cards.

This just in: soccer matches are 90 minutes long. Sometimes a wee bit more.

Basically, if your review says it's meh, I know it's going to be really enjoyable.

When I read that you didn't enjoy District 9, I stopped reading.