The headlines after AP's upcoming 300-yard rushing day practically write themselves.

Hopefully you catch Parkinsons soon was my favourite.
That reminds me, I need to go get my Parkinsons vaccination.

God Cardinals fans are just the fucking worst. St. Louis is a city sized garbage fire.

Finally starting to realize those synergies with the Bleacher Report

This is what happens when Lou Holtz tries to use Siri

Kinja autocorrect + IPad autocorrect = Emmitt Smith's Lock of the Week.

I'm all for mainstreaming, but there has to be an easier job for Michael J. Fox.

Please keep Frank Beamer away from all flammable liquids.

When the refs throw a yellow flag, will the players have to line up and slowly circle the field?

He's a Schiano Man. Leave him alone, faggot.

Life is going to be VERY VERY HARD for these little hothouse orchids.

Brian McCann finished the series 0-13 with six strikeouts. So perfect.

Not blaming Beltran, but if the Mets win game 7, Endy Chavez's catch at the wall goes down as one of the greatest ever. Now it's forgotten.

I had never even heard of breast cancer until I watched the NFL this weekend.

I hope the NFL learned a very valuable lesson here: little kids are fucking morons.

I'm with you. This wasn't a crime, it was a public service.

This could have been so much worse. I mean, the bar employee could have been forced to sit through several more hours of the "battle of the bands."

They stabbed Steeler fans just because they were Steeler fans? I see no crime here....

My favorite part was when they removed the tarps.... to put up other tarps.

Still worked out better than the last time an Aubrey tried to hang out with Miami Heat players.