I know, sweetheart, I know...

Now if we could just excise the corruption from our respective politicians...

I remember when my grandmother’s landline was a black brick with a crank that you turned to connect to the operator, who would then connect you to the phone number you wanted. And this was in the 80s! We’ve come a long way. These days, you can do all your banking from a smartphone and when you go shopping you can…

I’m on UK time, and I am also hella slack about my internet roaming. You are currently enjoying a better response rate than most of my family!

Oh, arse.

The cat was rehomed several months before his eviction from the embassy.

The safari is definitely the journey. I’m not sure if the Lunatic Express is still going, now that we have a new Chinese-built railway, but the Nairobi-Mombasa train journey was always fun. Leave at sunset, pass through the game park, your bed turned down while you’re at dinner, then breakfast and arrive at the coast…

Christmas week at the coast is awesome! You should definitely do it at least once in your life. In fact, if you timed it right, you could do the usual safari-n-beach thing, with a week in Masaai Mara and then ring in the new year at the coast.

I once promised that I’d write down a history of our family, starting with my grandfather (scholar, political dissident), if I or my sister ever had kids. But neither of us are likely to get upduffed any time soon, so it doesn’t look like it’s going to happen.

You’re very kind! My memoirs of my time there would actually be the co-ed version, as somebody who had attended in the 50s has already written a barely-fictional story about it. Nicholas Best, Tennis and the Masai.

My parents travelled a lot, so I volunteered to go to boarding school when I was quite young. We were pretty much semi-feral outside of the classroom, with a fairly lax attitude to health and safety. It was an achievement if there wasn’t anyone in a cast at the end of the school year. A lot of the kids lived in really…

I was weirdly perfectly fine about the whole thing. I think my formative years messed with my self-preservation instincts.

I can top that. Way before 9/11, I had the same discussion, in the cockpit of my British Airways flight, with a pilot who was vaguely related to someone I had gone to school with. That relative was gored to death by a rhino a few years later while working as a wildlife ranger in (I think) Zambia.

Listen, the two weeks that I endured watching my cousin from NC get married at our ancestral home (with the family matriarch’s birthday celebration the day before) were an event that I’m still not sure we’ve properly recovered from. And that was mostly just getting dressed up, eating, drinking and dancing. With…

I need to stop reading The Root late at night. I’m pretty sure the urban foxes are convinced my giggle-squeals are some sort of new exciting prey.

He’s campaigning to be an MEP, not an MP. He has (or will have) as much power to get a Brexit deal through Parliament as my local neighbourhood watch team.

I am gathering up all these recaps, tending to them like dragon eggs and then sending them out into to the world to the people who need to read them (looking at you, Kenyan fam).

Farage had (I think) five bodyguards on his walkabout. In some videos you can hear him telling them off for not protecting him.

Hatie Katie is described as a “pro-am motormouth” by the Zelo Street blog (Tim Fenton). The worst thing Alan Sugar ever did was to have her on the UK version of The Apprentice.

I can barely manage a single burger, let alone a double with extra egg. Think I’ll leave that one to you.