Hell, I'm as black as they come and I don't feel it's a discussion that I get to be a part of! I was in braids for most of my life, being away at boarding school, and when I did finally take control of my hair, I was a disaster — a very expensive disaster — at it. When my (white, male) hairdresser abandoned me to…

My sleeping patterns are a little bit erratic at the moment, so I can tell you that the second lead item on the main morning news bulletin on the BBC — both radio and television — were the events in Ferguson. This evening, it was the lead item on Channel 4 news. The story definitely has worldwide interest, even if…

That is pretty damn special. I must learn from this.

The way my sports predictions have been going this summer, I've probably jinxed the Dutch to an ignominious defeat and your team will bask in the glory of victory. I think I need remedial witchcraft lessons from whoever the guy is that helps out the teams during Africa Cup of Nations.

Test Match series?

At this rate, Argentina and the Netherlands decide to flip a coin for the outcome of their match and then just go home. At least, that's what my wine goblin is telling me. He's just killing time before the Test Match series starts, though.

Final score is 7-1 to Germany. Last one was a consolation for Brazil (scorer's name eludes me). I have no idea what I've just seen, but I think more booze will help put it into perspective.

I don't have much Oranje-love either, for the same reasons. Plus, I wanted Costa Rica to have a fairytale.

No harm, no foul. I was at least five hours into a scrumpy frenzy.

Erm what?

There has been much screaming and chucking of wine corks at the telly here at Expat Manor. Next time, I'll slaughter the livestock and offer burnt offerings to the gods before the match.

Oh, titty-bum...

And now we're into penalties! Vamos, la sele!

Hey! The alternative national anthem! I think I'm supposed to stand to attention before pressing play.