Pro tip: Fix two plates. Someone is going to steal one.

Apartment Patty’s husband is a “man of color”.....I suspect in the same way that Rachel Dolezal is WOC.

Popeye’s allegedly does a very good turkey. Needs 4 days of thawing, tho. 

I go to a restaurant because I ain’t cooking shit or washing dishes on a paid day off.

It was public policy. Both in Canada and in America.

Update: You called it right. She’s suing! 

Considering she designed the original dress, that is a remarkable bad knock-off. There are cheap-o alibaba companies selling better knock-offs of this dress for under $50 than the company that produced the original. $5200 for what amounts to polyester is bullshit. 

no, its an egg salad sandwich with cream cheese “frosting”. 

But the selection was reportedly underwhelming and deeply unsexy. “I was faced with racks of terry-cloth robes and ugly floral-print nylon nightgowns,” Raymond told Newsweek in 1981. “I always had the feeling the department-store saleswomen thought I was an unwelcome intruder.”

Have you considered buying rather than renting? I know you probably don’t want to put down roots but it may be cheaper than renting if its a buyers market. 

Yes, those midwives empower women and babies right into the grave. 

Ah, yes, the idiots who think googling is research on par with a 4 years of pre-med college, 4 years of medical school, 3 years of residency, and many years of medical practice.

Actually, I’m betting this dim bint didn’t get it. She just liked the words because she could sigh and say, “well sometimes its just not meant to be....” and not really her fault. 

UK midwives are professionals? Three words: Morecambe Bay Scandal.

I understand the need for a smaller squash. Ditto: mini watermelons. A normal sized one is too big for one person.

I’d like to say “F—k you” to all the people who say voting is a waste of time.

Bachelorette party is the bride’s last hurrah as a single woman like the Hen Night. The wedding shower is where friends and family give the bride household items like towels, kitchenware, and other “homemaker” gifts.

I really want to know the real hashtag so i can snoop on this shindig. 

Holy sh*t! I remember sandwich loaf cakes! I can’t believe they made one and actually served it! 

old people know the dirtiest jokes.