When I was maybe a ten-year-old gay kid I realized the U.S. gives religious organizations special rights to discriminate against gays, and I thought somebody should make a horrible religious group to push the boundaries, expose the hypocrites and shut these things down.

Come to Germany and try a Wurst Salad. Julienned meats mixed with mayo. I got sick of all the meat here and the word “salad” in the name confused me so I ordered it. All smoked and slimy and jarred and gristly, it’s the opposite of salad, and in fact it’s a horrible joke played on anyone who likes food.

I’m in Berlin. On Friday night I went to the birthday party of a friend of a friend in a small town maybe an hour away, and at dinner sat next to the nicest, most wonderful woman. We partied all night and exchanged numbers.

Prince was a great guitarist but nowhere near the best, and definitely not better than Hendrix. Prince’s playing was very fast but generic, very 90s rock star. (I can’t get through that video clip.) Eddie Van Halen had fun, Hendrix got druggy and political, Verlaine/Hell of Television got artistic and theoretical ..…

THIS is imho the single biggest piece of proof that racism is alive and well: some white woman did an Eric Clapton and sucked all of the soul out of Chaka Khan’s “Ain’t Nobody.” And radio stations are PLAYING IT rather than setting fire to the cds in the parking lot.

Nope. Dribble some coffee or wipe a bit of old food on the inside of the door when it’s empty. Dirty door = dirty dishes. Clean door = clean dishes.

1. Ugly white guys had a better shot at finding girlfriends.

I’m mystified by the love for this apartment. The “living room” looks like the lobby at a Holiday Inn. I’m expecting eight groups of backpackers to take up all the seating areas. One couch in the middle of the room? And did she tell her decorator, “Everything pink and green, but I also want a hundred nondescript…

You’d like German. Instead of making up random series of letters they name things after existing things. Otter = Sea Dog. Raccoon = Wash Bear. Bat = Flying Mouse. Simple and elegant.

I hate the show! First season was brilliant, but viewers don’t get it. “Don’t worry!” makers say. “There’s a grand plan! An explanation! We’ve had one from the start.”

I am so with you on this. We all rank our men: smart and handsome beats nice, funny and muscular beats sweet. Why can’t financial success and generosity figure in? Like when I’m picking a man it shouldn’t matter if we’ll be vacationing in Barbados or in Queens on old La-Z-Boys?

Are tweets 1-5 like those identical photos that are printed side-by-side except one has three changes photoshopped in and we have to spot the differences?

I get the disparity in this case. Is anybody really hot for Hoda? Anybody off the fence about Guthrie? But there are millions of housewives (and others) who were nuts for Matt Lauer.

Wow. This could not be more wrong if you tried. Good comedy starts with things like “I don’t know know anything about Mexicans but...”?

There is a continuum of unemployable celebrity children with Bryce Dallas Howard on one end and Rumer Willis on the other. The former stars in big tent-pole movies while the latter begs Maxim magazine for a quarter page. Their incomes vary, but I think your real question is “Would these people be anything other than…

10. The Exact Change Person at the Supermarket. It’s $4.89? Here’s four singles — I have change. Well, I thought I did. Wait, here’s a nickel. Is that it? Oh, 84 cents more. Ha! Here’s a quarter. What? It’s a Cheeto? Okay. How about if I fish out all the crap at the bottom of my bag and you pick out everything that…

And how about when young people have kids, or poor people, or people who aren’t in stable relationships? Having kids! WEAR A CONDOM because other people don’t think you should reproduce until an unspecified time in the future that might never arrive so on your deathbed you can think, damn, I wish I hadn’t lived in…

I’ll pitch in a buck if Dr. Garuba teaches her basic grammar.

I’m a 6'8" guy with a 40" inseam. I walk into a Big and Tall store and the clerk goes, “Wow, a tall guy! Look, a tall guy! Look at the tall guy!”

Somebody’s worried we’ll see “Saving Private Rachel” next. Not sure why. Do idiots automatically picture Reese Witherspoon in female dramatic roles?