It looks great, but I'm still a bigger fan of the Growler.

The "straight from a Golf" gear selector is killing it for me

You know that is what I first thought. Not because of the lack of touch screen and such but the color combination and just blockyness of the interior.

My thoughts exactly.

Woooosh! pew pew pew pew!

But styled like furniture from 1899

I actually said "icccccckkkk" out loud when I saw the dash.

Yep, its luxury - mechanical buttons.

None of that touchscreen crap.

Screw it.
Here ya go.
This is as close to an explanation as exists:

... open hood, insert Ford 1.0 Ecoboost motor. Wipe off the Mulally Love drippings, and, Voila!

That wasn't a crash, just looking for a place to park like an asshat

Dear BMW,

Oh teaser videos how I despise thee. They literally showed 2-3 seconds of the car.

....Can you fuck it?

I'll see you one "Chinese Food" and raise you a "Mass Text".

Nomination: Rosewill RK-9000 series.

You know what might have worked? A chicken wing, a carrot, a popsicle, or anything not a buttplug.

Even Tarantino does.

I'd eat it. Worse case scenario is vomiting I would imagine. Feel free to buy this and ship it to me and I will record myself eating this and the possible after effects :P