Crap- there I go, outing myself as a poor.

Your bathroom doesn't have an ocean view? How poor are you?

That sounds incredible. I am so, so glad I have an awesome boss who lets me take the huz and our little girl on business trips with me because we work at a nonprofit and I don't get paid enough for regular old vacations. Work pays the same for the hotel room whether it's just me or all three of us and they get to…

"Pristine bathroom floor"... *snigger*.

My four-year old self would have died and gone to heaven over these tubs, because every time I took a bath I pretended that I was Madison from the movie Splash.

A point. You have it.

Come to mama!

Isn't the whole point of an infinity pool that it's set beside or near enough to water that when you look out the boundary of the pool and the ocean is lost? This is just an overflowing bath tub.

On a business trip, I stayed at an uberfancy hotel that had an infinity bathtub set into the floor. It was so amazing. Here I am, 26, saddled with student-loan debt, poor and alone in a strange country, eating room-service pizza out of an infinity bathtub.

Someone took this picture. There are people in the background. She is at WORK. Who the fuck told her this was ok?

So now I hate her and everyone attacking her.

My hypothesis that I hate everyone has yet to be disproven.

WANT

Let's just shop around for one that is at least 6 feet tall, and then, yeah, let's totally make a weekend of it. (And by "weekend", I mean "4lyfe.")

I didn't think this could get any better, but you just stepped shit up.

With pubic hair and looking fab, I may add. (Sorry, the move toward bare just ughghsdhasldajks. OW.)

I'm sorry. I get that we are not supposed to like Honey Boo Boo, and all that jazz, but the family dressing as the Kardashians? Hilarious.

Ah, shit, I totally missed the post for submissions. I'll have to hold onto my freaky story until next year.

YAY! I got an honorary mention!