super hella fragile racist extra #Bragadocious

I’m only 30 and my main goal is to look like a more rested version of myself...

That was 20 years ago. Even if she’d had no work done, she probably wouldn’t much resemble her 29 year old self. She’s 46. I’m 31 and I look pretty different from how I looked even just 10 years ago.

“You mean tonight, boo boo? Club-wise?”

He’s thnking of Bill Cosby’s criticism of Eddie Murphy. Like he had any fucking moral high ground.

This Steve Martin?

I’m not sure what kind of bomb it was tbh but I bet it was fucking scary

I just went and looked at a two bedroom in Queens that was almost a mile from the train and in a building that looked like a trap house. It was $2000 a month.

In all fairness, it might not have been just a desire for round eyes; the eyelids could have been starting to impair her vision (or would have eventually started to). My stepmom’s doctor said she could likely get an eye lift actually covered by insurance because her lids (she’s southeast Asian, and her eye shape is…

Transporting 60 pounds of coke into L.A.? I guess someone didn’t tell her that Lindsay lives in London now.

Thanks a lot dude, my wife was away on business all last week, and I only did 2 loads of laundry and did a half assed job of cleaning the microwave after my daughter splattered pasta sauce all over it.

Screw this guy. You know what I did while my wife was away on important business this weekend? I cleaned the kitchen within an inch of its life, did 5 loads of laundry and cooked the best goddamn BBQ chicken on this side of the Mississippi. Thats how you fill a power void, motherfucker.

You know some stuff Allen is in is pretty good, but my god I can not stand his right wing dad schtick in that new sitcom he is in, I think in part because something tells me it’s not an act.

he uses computers all the time. computers love him. he has fantastic computers, with many many friends.

A columnist at my local paper complained that there were 5 local conservative talk radio shows and no progressive ones, even though progressives outnumber conservatives in the area. The columnist then noted how every previous progressive show had failed due to lack of an audience. I’m not sure if Saturday morning…