I am because I don’t talk about golf when at parties

I was the guy who flashed my high beams at you for your lack of focus. Every car should have a mandatory checklist for the driver prior to engine start. I don’t care if Zombies are after you, do the checklist. You might become a Zombie but at least your lights will be on.

THAT HAIL MARY PLAY I CALL IT THE DENTIST BECAUSE IT KILLED SOME LIONS FROM EXTREME LONG RANGE.

The “Yeah I’ll fuckin’ take ya nuts” part of the “Torture” skit was my outgoing answering-machine message for a very brief period while I was in college. “And bang them shits with a spike fuckin’ bat ... BLAWAWWOO!!” [Beep.] It was a brief period because eventually my mom called.

“Case closed?”

I’m drunk, someone else answer this.

I thought that this is what they used in Wisconsin for that.

How you cannot is beyond me

it’s a lot closer to that than it is a seizure.

then you would be wrong... I think we all know enough about drunk driving these days that we know that if you willfully get behind the wheel while drunk, you’re a human weapon. So yeah... trying.

I would say drunk driving would categorize as trying to harm/kill others

Just like it says in the Ten Commandments, “Honor thy father and mother(fucking Roger Goodell will fine you).”

Take that Brian McCann you fat fuck.

Make sure to focus in on the ref in training that calls the possession initially. The mentorship from his crew mate is commendable.

Yeah, even if it ends up a ground rule double, run until they confirm that and send you back.

What am I missing? The fans of a team that's won three of the past five World Series knows what it feels like to get punched in the grapes?

The umpire calls a pitch that far outside, and Joey Votto is the story? There’s a reason he’s one of the best players in the game — he doesn’t swing at that bullshit.

“and/or made a bad strike call”*

“I shoulda gone to art school.”

I hate their announcers. Love the team, hate the fans, hate the broadcasters. I usually watch the games on mute. McCarver is atrocious, Rick Horton is an idiot, and on radio, Mike Shannon sounds like he has zero interest in doing the game. I envy Dodgers fans for having been able to enjoy Vin Scully for almost 70…