Oh it’s a thing. And I live in the Midwest. So it’s not just a Southern thing.

I have noticed that if you have a monogram sticker on the back of your car, you are also likely a terrible driver. The girlier the monogram and color? The worse the driver. Pink scripty monogram is almost always with one of those stupid Vineyard Vines stickers and almost always a super terrible driver on their cell…

It is good to hear I’m not alone.

I had no idea. I grew up in a mid-sized city. I would have thought Hugh Jackman if anyone warned me of wolverines.

I also was unsure about narwhals. Learning that these were also real made me additionally Google “jackalope”

I am ashamed to admit that I thought reindeer were mythical creatures until like 5 years ago. Someone at work mentioned how a Christmas thing had real reindeer and I was like “Ok, dummy, did they have unicorns too?” And everyone then told me I was the dummy. I was in my 30s when this happened.

Yoga and tax evasion still sounds better than what I got going on. Sign me up!

In order to be invited into my inner circle, you have to be supportive of my desire to bed any cult leader and/or aging pretty boy actor. It’s what a real friend would do.

It would certainly help if everyone is pretty. And if the cult was in a warm climate. But honestly, as long as I don’t have to have a job, I’m up for hearing anyone’s cult proposals.

I meant “regular” more in the timing sense. Like I’m happy to call myself Moonbeam and show up at sundown every Tuesday and Thursday and Saturday for my Keegan time. It can be as freaky as we want it to be once I get there.

Is this a super harmful cult where you have to kill yourself eventually while wearing ugly shoes or is this just a slightly annoying cult where I don’t have to talk to my family anymore and have to have regular sex with Andrew Keegan? Asking for a friend. 

He’s an educated unoffensive looking white male who probably knows how to kiss the right asses. They seem to be everywhere and are usually inexplicably in places of power and prestige. I can stand in the hallway of my office and point to at least three.  

This is a clear favorite but I’m also partial to, “you will drink the black sperm of my vengeance!”

Ridiculous story: I first watched this movie during MySpace’s heyday and I had “Incense & Peppermints” as the obnoxious song that would autoplay when you went to my page. John Lazar friended me because I listed the movie in my favorite movies. He would always wish me a happy birthday and this was before online…

Agree, agree, agree. I used to use Bare Escentuals powder foundation in the summer - my skin was too dry in the winter. But then as I was getting older, I couldn’t use it then either. So I tried this stuff because it was liquid and we have a victory. It covers but it’s light - I can use more if it if I’m going out…

Agree, agree, agree. I used to use Bare Escentuals powder foundation in the summer - my skin was too dry in the…

Tried to steer a car with my feet. Smoked weird things. Went home with weird men. Drove drunk.

I got dolphin which I kind of hate because they seem like douchey shark wannabes. And they’re always laughing at people. Plus, I don’t even know how to swim.

You’re forgetting though, he’s a white dude. They’re magical.

Every time I see video of what it’s like for super big stars to be surrounded by fans and photographers I get anxiety for them. It’s all just too much on a normal day - to have someone grab you and pick you up is terrifying. It felt really good to see her elbow that dude in the face.

I remember with the cakes my husband wanted to help and he sent me a link to that cake shop Charm City Cakes and was like “We should use them!” and I was like “Ok, they’re in a different state, they’re expensive as fuck. So, I hate to be a negative nelly but no.” and then I said “Don’t forget we need wedding bands”…