The worst favors we ever encountered: The bride had saved EVERY FLOWER her groom had given her throughout their time together and dried the petals. She then got glass trinket bottles and put some of the petals in each of them, corked them, and tied a tag with some “romantic” poem on it and some saying about “a piece…

Nooooooooo!

Our DJ gave us a solution ahead of time: Give him the signal when we’ve had enough (for us, it was two). He “warned” that the next time he heard clinking, he’d find the original perpetrator and embarrass them. Well, minutes later, clink ... and he found one of our friends and made her sing a song to us.…

Chocolate FTW. I’d eat the heck out of those favors.

I think it just kills whatever you do manage to get going, ESPECIALLY at a low-momentum party. If you’re doing one of these activities, you’re getting people off the dance floor, and that’s a real momentum-killer even for those who want to be out there. If your wedding is so boring that food, drink and dancing aren’t…

And no one will miss it. That’s what so many people fail to realize — they really aren’t such welcome traditions after all! (Skip the favors, too. Saves you money, unnecessary hassle and a lot of leftover trinkets.)

1. My husband isn’t this stupid, so I wouldn’t have to worry about it if we did do this. But honey, this is where you get up out of that chair and walk away. It’s OK. You didn’t have to put up with it just because you just married him and he’s trashed.

2. We didn’t do any garter- or bouquet-tossing, or cake-smashing…

NO. None of that is cool whatsoever, NO FUCKING WAY. You stand your ground, lady, and if your groom backs you up totally and warns them and doesn’t play the game when the time comes for the cake, you know you’ve got yourself a good one.

It is such an aggressive tradition. I just don’t get it. (I told my husband: No…

Agree. I really wanted a halter to play up/support my boobage, but they all looked utterly awful on me. I wonder what a good sample size would have done for me.

Ha! I was SO SET on not wearing white (I wanted ivory) and absolutely nothing strapless (I have big boobs). What did I end up with? A strapless white dress. In the ensuing eight years, I think styles have really branched out to embrace more retro/vintage tastes, which is soooo what I would have wanted but wasn’t…

Oh, FUCK her. Ew.

All of this is awesome. But I did write my husband’s vows, because he actually said, “Seriously, just do them while you’re writing yours,” which I was already struggling with. Our ceremony was a breezy eight minutes long.

I promise, we’re actually still really happy together after nine years.

We went to one of those — turns out it was a guest priest from Latin America doing the full wedding Mass as a fill-in, and the groom nearly strangled him a few minutes in. We’re still laughing about it, but man, the couple was PISSED.

Oh, she’s totally off our list forever. My husband is a very logical, cool-headed guy who doesn’t get angry very often, but this time, he almost lost his shit. We’re returning their gift because we’re so mad we can’t even look at it.

I’m still having this issue with a relative ... and we barely knew her when we got married (honestly can’t remember if I’d ever MET her until then), let alone her children. She’s still upset that we didn’t invite her kids to our wedding, even though NO KIDS WERE INVITED AT ALL. She’s currently upset because we didn’t…

And that’s great, but that’s in your culture. People do get a choice, and people should respect other people’s choices. We did not want kids at ours and so all were excluded ... but I’m still hearing about it from a bitch cousin, eight years later, despite the fact that THERE WERE NO CHILDREN THERE AT ALL. It’s when…

You’ll have them. Everyone does. The key is to ask yourself: Does this matter in the long run? 99 percent of the time, the answer is no, and you should give yourself the freedom to give no fucks.

YES on the long-distance planning. We were a six-hour drive from our venue (my alma mater), and that really forces you to focus. Which is AWESOME. (And the dress uniform makes it soooo much easier for them. My bro did the same for his.)

Oooooo! I dig that.

This week, I saw a guy doing it at the 59th Street N/Q/R, right around the same time. Also not homeless, also just being an asshole.

My husband is the one who wanted the big wedding (ahem, party) — I wanted to go to the courthouse and be done with it. So if he wanted the nice party, he had to make the bulk of the phone calls (and because I have taste and he doesn’t actually have a clue how these wedding things work, I told him he did have to follow…