Default setting for a cat is "asshole," so at first we assumed he had to know what he was doing, much like yours. But for your healthy, average cat, he really is just dumb. He actually forgets who I am when I'm fresh out of the shower because he doesn't recognize my smell ... and he gives me side eye and walks away.…

One of our cats gets kicked, usually in the head, on a constant basis because he refuses to learn. He also refuses to not be underfoot — he wants attention constantly. I always feel awful but I also want him to fucking learn that he's going to be kicked in the fucking head when he does this.

Also, yes, he loves to do…

The boss at my old magazine was like this: She'd see a galley, and if she didn't like it, she would just write "Huh??????" in red marker all over the page. It was one of those Miranda Priestly things where you couldn't ask her what she meant ... you had to divine it from her fat, stupid head and hope to God that the…

OK, but we natives need a real answer, Pinkham: Why?

I'm sure I've posted this here before, but my father-in-law is ... not mean, per se, but not an easy customer. I've gotten panic attacks before going out to dinner with my in-laws. Thing is, they are good tippers — always 20 to 30 percent. I tried pointing out once that they have no idea they're getting a good tip and…

We redheads age beautifully. It's our delicious, delicious revenge for being considered so homely when we're little.

I keep thinking of all those "Top Chef" dicks who insist on going to the hospital with essentially a paper cut. I know, I know, on the tee vee and all that, but still. This is one of the awesome-scariest stories I've ever heard.

You need to expand your 'Burgh horizons more. I promise, the city is full of amazing food if you look for it. (All the restaurants in the Big Burrito group are awesome. Also, Mineo's in Squirrel Hill has the BEST pizza. All these freaks in New York who swear they have the best pizza are so misguided.)

But you're right…

HOW DO YOU EVEN GET TO THAT.

No. Her behavior was unacceptable ("Wasn't that hard, was it?"). Accept that you're wrong, apologize, move on. The poster tried her best and couldn't get through that kind of stubbornness and STILL got yelled at. Whatevs on these assholes.

If you are at Jean-Georges and actually ask for ranch dressing, you should go fuck yourself. You are totally at the wrong restaurant. Like, not just in the wrong ballpark, but the wrong goddamn state.

(No offense meant to lovers of ranch dressing.)

This might help: http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2013/…

LIFESAVING. Well worth the price, everywhere I go.

My now-husband and I had been together, oh, a little more than a year, and one really hot Saturday in August, we were having sex in the afternoon. He's veeeery tall; I'm of average height. We switched so he was, uh, behind me, with me leaning over the bed. Suddenly I felt his chest on my back, and I laughed, and I…

There is almost never an excuse for spitting in someone's food. ... yes, I once spit in a customer's Reuben when I was 16, and once cleaned my ear with someone's cocktail straw (to be fair, I knew the guy, and he was just generally an asshole in life). It's not something you should ever do.

I just didn't get all the sympathy in the comments at the Guardian — did these people not READ the article? There's no way she comes off as anything but fucking crazy.

Dammit, Ray-Ray, you're making me cry.

Said with experience. We had a one-year-exactly engagement (and we had fun), and it still gave the relatives too much time to bitch.

Of course. It might be the only truly smart thing I've ever said. ;)

If you don't want to wedding-plan, get married ASAP. The longer the engagement, the deeper the crazy.