My husband has so much insecurity about my ring, and it's just because all of his friends bought their wives ridiculously tacky, Jersey-size (yes, I live in NJ) monstrosities. I remind him that he shopped carefully, negotiated, and bought me a ring that is worth twice as much as he paid (we insured it when we got…

Ugh, I'm sorry. That totally sucks.

So which is it — a cult or Poor Joe Paterno? Can't have it both ways.

Child molestation takes this to a whole new level, and cannot possibly be likened to you fucking up on your finals because you got drunk the night before and didn't study the right material.

For real. My mom actually got pissed at me when I got my period (!!!) because it was a pain in the ass for her to have to buy me pads — dude, like I knew what to do at that point, being 13 with, you know, no money to buy such things. Her idea of a "talk" came two years after sex ed, and it was all about "don't have…

How is it that Dr. Phil ends up looking like the sane one here? My world just fell apart.

My only recourse with Comcast — after two and a half years of utter suckage — was to carpet-bomb their corporate offices with a very angry (but very professional) letter with plenty of examples of their incompetence, including to their CEO, and a concurrent complaint with the FCC. I got an immediate response and an…

First: YES. ELOPE. Seriously, it'll save you the headaches, and it really isn't the biggest day of your life. If it is — for either of you — it's time to rethink priorities. It doesn't sound like it is for you, and people will get over it (and they shouldn't get pissed off in the first place if they have any…

I didn't get the "mean" part of this. It's clear how fucking miserable Britney looks here, and she didn't always have that look about her. And the point about the foot was that 8 million people looked it up! So you can blame Jez all you want, but the fact is, people were interested. And that so many people are…

So true. But here we are, surrounded by sci-fi/fantasy awesomeness in our comics, TV, movies, literature, and our kids apparently can't be inspired by it. I don't blame the media or Hollywood or whatever nonsense is being blamed these days for violent events in schools, but now it seems we're punishing children for…

My Brit lit teacher in high school had us write a creative essay describing a specific Shakespearean death (can't remember which one, says the English major). I went nuts on the detail and had an absolute blast writing it — I've never forgotten that assignment. I got an A+ and he read it aloud to the class. These…

Seche Vite is the best topcoat I've ever had — harder to find but I LOVE IT.

So while my story is actually funny, not "worst," I spent today in the ER after I accidentally stabbed myself in the arm trying to get the wrapping off a turkey. We find it amusing (only four stitches required), and it gives us perspective: I've got a great husband who found nothing inconvenient about dragging me to…

You're right, and my apologies. I have all respect for anyone who does that much work toward a noble goal (and I could never do it). That said, Drew is a douche.

Don't let it make you feel shitty. You never know how happy the coupled really are when they go home and close their doors, and grass is greener blah blah blah. Be happy with who you are and take joy in your books, if that's what makes YOU happy.

Seriously, he deserved an outing in front of his family. Hope you know now that you deserve better than jerks like that.

Who does winter weddings? I dunno, people who might possibly think differently than you do and love winter. Or will never, ever, ever find the perfect day for all 150 of their guests. Perhaps you are an asshole (I'm going with that) and they really did do it on purpose just to fuck with you, which makes me like them.…

Yeah, um, I'm white as a ghost, and nowhere has it ever been told to me that it was the ideal.

My husband has a hard time with this — should we decide to have a kid, he says, he does have opinions and would like to weigh in, though it's ultimately my choice to breastfeed or not. It's the one thing he's ever said to me about wanting to have a say when it comes to my body. I was a bit taken aback but I…

Oh, God, I so agree. I feel bad about feeling that way but I refuse to change my thinking. Bows on hairless heads ... just, GAH.