You guessed it...

Chef: MY MOM

But if he lifts every other day, how days are there in a week?

Came here for this. Sadly, because he did it against the Padres, most of the world remains unaware.

If they wanted it to leave, they just should have denied it a new, taxpayer-funded stadium

Christian Villanueva, also fun!

Thank you! As Padre fans we don’t have much to cheer for. It’s cool that someone else noticed.

I agreed with you until you brought loving ZZ Top into it.

BREAKING: The bros have been traded to the Yankees for two mannequins and a dead guy wearing sunglasses to be named later.

If you get right in a person’s face and call him a “bitch-ass motherfucker,” you’re tempting fate.

In fairness, if Virginia had scored 21 more points, they would’ve won.

“Now I know how Rosa Parks felt!”

-Jerry Jones

Both the noun and verb forms apply

There are few universal truths. Fire is hot. Water is wet. Will Cain is an idiot.

I think my favorites are the mockumentary about the inner-city wizarding school, the duel between competing voice effects actors, and the one behind the scenes of Family Matters where Urkel’s actor is using mind control on people.

Prepared For Terries

But it is a sandwich

Tough decision. His heart is between a rock and a hard place.

Trynna get the whole pipe