Greg Hardy beat all the other people to the funeral.

Only in modern-day America is the LOSER of a CONSOLATION game not eliminated from contention. Seriously, have we become such a pussified, everyone-gets-a-trophy culture that triple (or more!) elimination tournaments are de rigueur?

"The new orange has been chosen to match Johnny Football's future Ohio Department of Corrections uniform, so as to show our commitment to success. That is, none."

"Now they'll stop yelling that I suck and blow."

They got rid of bullpen cars.

Of course he doesn't understand what he did. Did you see him in court? Did you see his interviews afterward? When he's outside the carefully-controlled NFL bubble, the guy legitimately seems like he has a learning disability.

Correct me if I'm wrong (please), but isn't the batter requiring a foot in the batter's box at all times already a rule. That's not new for this season. It's just never, ever enforced, and won't have any effect because no umpire will tell a batter they can't have a timeout. Ryan Braun will still ask for and be granted…

It's hard to take you seriously when you make comments such as:

Please provide your <strike>corporate-provided talking points</strike> personal experiences from playing a game that hasn't come out for the public yet.

Wow. The corporate-sponsored burner accounts are out in force defending their retarded baby.

Can someone honestly tell me why Valve is still held in such high regard? As a game company, they haven't exactly lit the world on fire lately. As a publisher, they put their name (through greenlight and other means) on so much garbage it's embarassing. As a service, they're an incredibly restrictive DRM (try to use…

Want to know how I know you didn't watch the video?

#MarchmanLivesMatter

Nice work on the VO by Magary, though.

I am giddy with anticipation at the Facebook posts this will engender.

I've never been to a strip club. This makes me sad.

Well, bye.

More cheating in New England.

Seriously and without snark: Thanks for your contributions, Craggs. Deadspin seems like a better place to come for news AND dick pics these days, as opposed to one or the other.

He throws up once a week, because Craggs was born with a trick esophagus with a separate chamber where food will occasionally get lodged and cause severe acid reflux. When that happens, he has to head over to the bathroom to yak up a piece of chicken covered in throat mucus, and then go about his business.