[Deadspin] Don't fret, Jack.

Huh. I didn't realize that his problem with buttons was so literal.

He ends so many words in -ion it's no wonder he's unbalanced reactive

10.5 hours before getting released, when they are dropping the charges anyway? Seems excessive.

Conversion vans where fucking awesome when I was a kid. 8 tracks and bubble windows. Cutler should custom air brush the Death Star on the side.

GuyWhoTakesEverythingTooLiterally is my new favorite Deadspin commenter.

Um...Hitler was born in Austria. I would hope you've heard of him.

That moment when you realize Ozzy looks just like Patton Oswalt...

If any organization knows what's hip with the kids these days, it's Forbes.

The majority of drivers don't really care where their gas comes from as long as it's cheap.

Hopefully, teams will trollbunt against good ol' Colby the rest of the year and we'll have our first ever MLB in-game aneurysm.

Rape isn't funny. Jokes about rape can be hilarious though.

No. Looks like 4.

What the hell is wrong with you?

I hated Black, mostly because it was the clear line between Metallica the metal band and Metallica the pop rock band. They clearly made a decision to change their sound for increased radio popularity. If we're talking "good moments", I'll grudgingly admit that Black has some, but I concede nothing after that.

I like "...And Justice for All," and respect (and feel kind of bad for) Jason Newstead.

Cops acting aggressively towards citizens then accusing the citizens of causing the issue? I'm shocked. Shocked!

Jeff Garcia was a poor man's Jeff Garcia. Otherwise, no arguments.

17 actually reasonable points about navigating a conversation with the disabled so that no one feels alienated.