What an astonishingly stupid sentiment.

Fresh Squeezed, Cain and Ebel, Surly Bender.

Hate to be that smartest-guy-in the-room douchebag

Any perspective here is tainted by the fact that she has an infinitesimal chance of actually going to Mars. This is slightly less useful than daydreaming about lottery money before it's won.

So we're taking Mars One seriously? Interesting choice...

Snarls Barkley's first day on campus and he met Cam! #BoredBeagle

I'm an ambivalent atheist who married a nice non-practicing Jewish lady who has a moderately religious dad. I smile and pass the gefilte during seder and feign an acute attack of aphasia with comorbid diarrhea any other time the subject of religion comes up.

Huh?

You're not very good at this.

You've already been dismissed. Slither off.

Yep, a real piece of shit. Good luck with your miserable life, I'm sure you've earned it.

Probably because you're a punk bitch.

To be fair, the Uzbeks were told this was a horseless buzkashi tournament.

I like to offer a piggyback ride to makeout mountain.

He doesn't owe you anything, or care what you think. God that must piss you off.

The really cool thing is nobody cares what you think. I'll buy him a beer if I ever see him, just for making sad little people like you angry.

There is a White Teeth joke to be made here, but I'm too stoned to figure it out.

You might want to take a break from the internet.

Right?! The correct way to respond to this sad news is to act like an utter cunt to somebody else for no reason. You've truly set an example for all of us today.