1. Time-travelling DeLorean to keep Stephen Curry’s parents from marrying.

Steph is over here like:

The only reason he joined Twitter is because someone told him he could block people.

My parents only had to wait about 30 minutes, and my mom was in decent enough shape to be able to chat calmly with my dad as he did his best to “coach” her but yep: they waited to check in until midnight, but only because a kind employee told them to. They were so freaked out/excited about the birth of their first kid…

Any player chasing down another player and blocks the ball first (sure it was a goal tend) then hits him after the shots released, never gets called for a foul. Especially as both players momentums are going toward the base of the basket,

Don’t mind if I ThiboDO! Have sex with him, I mean.

How do you feel about Clothespin Awareness?

I myself was hoping to start an aftermarket vinyl face sticker business for Model 3 customers... you know, to fund my Model S. >:)

Kendall Jenner is totally smooching Lakers guard Jordan Clarkson

$330.

When I was a wee lad growing up in Atlanta, I saw a young man with a golden blonde mullet, and Oakley Razorblades jumping into a Dodge Dakota convertible, in the Disco Kroger parking lot.

It was simply the most amazing thing I have ever seen. If Jeep builds this truck, I’m growing a mullet - because I already have…

I guess when you look like an actual spermatozoa, you want to make sure as many of the little guys as possible make it past fetus state into unplanned, unwanted, poor humans that you have no intention of helping in any way, shape or form.

You’ll never get anywhere in the gymnastics game disrespecting your opponents like that. Doesn’t she know that kids are watching? They’re probably wondering if she knows she doesn’t look like a good role model to the youth of Tennessee. I miss the days of McKayla Maroney and her screw face. I don’t know, there was…

Nobody fucks with DeJesus.

Panton told Jezebel in an emailed statement. “Ted and I had many mutual friends who would usually stop by to watch movies, play video games, or even engage in long, fun discussions about politics, philosophy, and life.”

Let’s stop here for a second. What happened is that I went home, because I’m six hours ahead of NYC. Meanwhile, Patrick thought my headline was boring, and went for a change without watching the video. I was offline, so the head stayed like that for 13 minutes.

Because the Focus sedan looks like it fell off the ugly tree into the Ugly River and down the ugly waterfall into Lake Ugly where it decayed for thousands of years into ugly rust which then became ugly dirt which was then trawled up and put on the side of the road where an ugly seed then sprouted another tremendously…

“This is an IT fix. Stop replying.”