Ha!
Yesterday I told my husband "I hope you don't get any women in your regiment next year"
"What? Why? You've got nothing to worry about, they are probably all ugly or lesbians anyway"
"I'm not worried about you sleeping with them, fool. I'm worried about you making idiotic comments... Like the ones you just made."…

The universe loves playing fucked up tricks like that. I got pregnancy stretch marks for Christmas. Like, I went to bed on Christmas Eve with an unmarked belly, and woke up looking like a tiger. Screw you, universe!

My four year old is disgusted, from a feminist perspective, with the current Barbies. She refuses to play with them at her school, and won't let them in the house. I have faith in her future.

I have one of the first Barbies to be released in Australia, handed down from my mum. She has ridiculous rubber eyelashes, but she did come with a full space suit!

Hope she does a better job than the last one.

People came in to visit my newborn and cooed over her "oh, so pretty! She's lovely." It was crap. She looked like a small red potato, and I said as much.
She's grown into a fabulous kid, and now looks nothing like a root vegetable.

My grandmother said that too!

I suspect that sticker-wielding fool would never be seen again.

"If we can teach them to walk, we can teach them to fly"

Having been in a position where all my friends actually did jump off a bridge... I can categorically state that no, I do not jump off bridges with friends.

My chief bridesmaid was a dude. I tried to get him in an orange frou-frou dress, but he wore a skirt instead. Well... a kilt, anyway ;)

Oh, I know a little Mouse! She's hell into sparkles, though, even at 15. She wears sparkly pink pom-poms in her topknot pigtails... while she completes in black belt karate comps. She's an absolute weapon, but looks like a child model. She still has a cute nose because she's a fabulous fighter. Do NOT diss her…

We had an eight month old in a highchair at our head table, with a nap room set up for him out the back. Since we were the first in our group to get hitched, the tradition has passed down - our kids have been specifically invited, and had a proper seat, at all our friend's weddings too. Mind you, we're a casual mob!…

Except, as Aussies, we'd end up sending them to PNG...

I wish you could gift experiences. Because I would like you to have my experience of telling my boss I was pregnant, in the hopes it would somehow erase the ridiculous bullshit you had to suffer through.

Dude, everyone knows you dye babies. Spray paint just flakes right off!

The wolf one ended me.

Oh my goodness, eligible for a "bus puss"? Adorable!

I write the stuff my two year old daughter does on Facebook (yeah, I'm THAT mum), for my very close friends only. (My friends list is about 100 people, half of which are family.) Except, those people read my statuses out to others, and then they ask to join up too... And one friend tags everything about her with…

So when I wanted to join the army, my grandmother said I had to do a deportment course first, before she'd let my mum sign the approval (I was under age).