I'm white as white as straight can be. I didn't realise my privilege until I started reading Jez, and I'm glad I've had the opportunity to be educated. But every time I see the "white tears" brigade arrive I get one step closer to walking away from here. After all the good things I've learned, I don't want to leave…

Is this common, or are we related? Because my mum's side of the family is exactly the same!

Damn quad pants problems. And people wonder why I wear skirts...

As the parent of one vowel-ended kid, and one not, I find I emphasise the middle vowel if required, for example:

Walter is the boy's name for my family - I have a brother (Wally), a dad (Walter) and a grandpa (Wal). Where's Wally? At my damn house, people. At my house.

" Freedom! Oh, Remi, you're like the Rosa Parks of pretending to rape people."

I love spin class, even though I fell off the bike the first three classes I took. Yup. The stationery bike. No traffic, no weather, no potholes... Still fell.
I just can't hover, ok?
The first week I didn't fall off my instructor was actually disappointed - it had become a thing.

I met one of my best friends when we both leapt out windows, both naked and into the same bush, during a fire alarm in the boys dorm.

Once upon a time a fine lady was swept off her feet by a handsome soldier. They married on a balmy November night in the tropics. One child followed, then another, but trouble was looming. He was called away to war, and spent a year away from his beloved. During their time apart he wrote of his love for her, and his…

I've fucked a matress off a low bed before, and we rode it slowly down over the side and onto the ground with no let up. It was spectacular.

Yup. My husband has to be awake at 0500, so he's in bed by 2100. It sucks for me, because I want to hang out with him in the evenings, but it means he's happy and productive and solvent so we roll with it. It won't be long before the kids are in bed later than he is!

.... but still "and spent the rest of her life lounging on a tropical island surrounded by family, supported by renumeration" is a damn sight better that "and went home to a one bedroom council flat and ate tinned ham for ten years."

Oh, I was wondering who that random lady in the middle was! Thank you.

We use it in the military all the time.

"Becoming a supple leopard"
It's a non-fic.
Not even joking.

Actually, my mother in law has "adopted" a gay actor, for the same reason - his deeply religious parents skipped the "judge not" and "love" sections of their favourite book.

Of course you can congratulate people on something THEY, PERSONALLY, see as an achievement. For example, if the conversation went something like this:
"How are you?"
"Great, I have lost weight and I am happy about that"
Then "congratulations" would be a suitable reply.
Anything else is just fucking condescending.

Nah. My first reaction was a "yes!" with a fist pump. Then I had the decency to feel a bit bad. (Just a bit)

I once put my daughter in the car ,fast asleep, and when I switched on the ignition Lady Gaga was on the radio pretty loud. I looked back at baby, and watched her wake up dancing. It's a thing :)

I'm really hoping my kids never come out., because that would mean they were "in" and the idea of them feeling like they have to hide is just horrible. Horrible like this shitty mother.