China: [fires Rockets]

It never waves back.

5am? My Lord that’s early. I can just picture Snyder there in his office, across from a barely awake Gruden, stirring his coffee with a sleeve of gatorade cups.

Never mind what song was playing you insensitive bastards, that dude looks genuinely hurt. I just hope he recovered and isn’t so shaken up he can’t find his way home.

Someone nonchalantly asks “Is he dead?”

The slowness by which Bills fan bystanders tend to him (not to mention the fact they held onto their beers) is as 1:1 on-brand as it gets.

So under the banner of being “patriots” they feel entitled to overwhelm and displace the redskins from their native land, big surprise.

Adam Gase strikes me as somebody who deliberately tries to overcomplicate things by design. The sort of unappreciated genius who is lazily dismissed by philistines of the game simply because none of his plans actually work.

How does China feel about the NBA’s tanking problem?

When a tweet comes out wrong

he offered to go get ice cream with the kid to patch things up.

Rock Chalk, Crip Walk

The self-own happening here is spectacular.

You should’ve read three more sentences.

If only you’d made it 3 sentences further...

Snyder actually has a dirty tricks department, right? It’s the Nixon White House in NFL franchise form.

It is a very short article, yet you clearly did not read it.

It’s not like this is the first time American Assholes overplayed their hand...

old season preview issues are a joy, let us not only Remember Some Guys but also remember how wrong we are all the time

My father has been a subscriber for 52 years. I’m willing to bet he’s one of the Top 100 most tenured subscribers. It was a Bar Mitzvah gift, and to this day he has no clue who got it for him. The only thing he knows is that they filled out the application choosing the prefix “Master” rathern than “Mr.” My Dad never…