Wait, whaaat!? You're leaving? Am I.. late to this knowledge. Damn! Best wishes!

I'd like add Assholes let their young children "free range" down the aisle because the kid can't get "lost."

And an eyebrow pencil.

Have you ever seen Mortified where people get up on stage and read their high school diaries? It's amazing and uplifting and hilarious. There are a couple good clips on YouTube and a documentary called Mortified Nation on Netflix; don't watch The Mortified Sessions, it's just a bunch of celebrities going, "LOL, I used…

That was the worst theme cruise ever.

Can we stop calling it a leak and start calling it a disgusting violation of privacy?

The implication was that the Queen regarded it as bad manners to be staring at a screen rather than looking at a guest.

My favorite part of his personal twitter feed is when he posted this pearl of wisdom...

I couldn't focus on anything in that video except for the absence of her seatbelt.

OF COURSE YOU CAN'T CHANGE A FUCKING DIAPER IN THE MIDDLE OF A RESTAURANT.

First - THIS.

I can assure you the bride...

I don't. I find most brides to be quite reasonable. Brides actually get unfairly dumped on a lot in the wedding planning process. The bride in this article, however, sounds like a peach.

A similar thing happened to a friend of mine. She was incarcerated for methamphetamine possession. While incarcerated she got into a bad scrap and had to have dental surgery because her teeth were so rotten. Her correctional officer a Mr. Healy was a real jerk and wrote in her case that she had "meth mouth". She's…

not my tattoo, BUT:

I was at an event once where RBG and my grandmother somehow got involved in a long discussion. I was standing by gawking at her until time was up and I had to say "I'm sorry to interrupt, but Bubbe we have to sit down now."

I love imagining her picking out her collars based on how pissed she is at a decision. "Oh, I am going full-on starched cotton on this bitch!"

That knee thing may be the stupidest thing I have ever seen in a tabloid and that is a really, REALLY high bar. Or low, as it were.

Zeus hates selfies. Mortals. Go now, and tell your people.